you were always there for me (until you weren't)

tell me your secrets (and i'll try to tell you mine)

One day she sends a Snapchat not totally out of the blue enquiring if you hold a particular sexuality. Are you bisexual?

It's not completely out of left field, not totally unwarranted. You know you've gone a little too far in your female adoration. A little too vocal, a little too long.

She's not demanding, pushy or condemning. But you understand the implications of certain conclusions. The panic that twists your gut, makes your heart pound and hands shake as you struggle to come up with a timely and appropriate response almost kills you. Or at least it feels that way.

Sorry I missed that, what did you say? You eventually settle on.

You know what I sent. Short, sharp and sweet.

Nope, what was it? You're hoping she forgets about it.

Never mind. Comes the response.

You breathe in relief even though a niggling thought in your head threatens to crush the calm - she suspects.

You guess it shouldn't come as a surprise when she comes clean about him much later.

It's your last year in high school and you're both at an 'end of high school' party. You've both gone on a few walks alone together in the dark around the block during the night, but near the end of the night she pulls you aside and asks you to go on a walk. You're a little confused but any time with her is gold at this point (you already have plans to try get out of the state). 

You should've known at this point honestly; her horrible taste in guys. You disliked her first boyfriend (for good reasons) and you just want to see her with someone she deserves - and she deserves only the best. You're not so arrogant to believe you're what is best for her, and perhaps your self loathing also plays a part.

On this walk she suggests, a friend who frequently joins you as a trio asks to come along. You can tell she isn't really keen on that idea so you get even more suspicious at this point. 

It doesn't take long for you to crack. You're holding hands, strolling a different route in the chilly air while your other friend is walking about (he's also yet another guy at school who's crushing on her and settling for close friendship) and eventually you ask her.

You ask her what's up. Eventually she says she needs to tell you something and the knowledge that spills from her lips shocks you to your core and fills you with disappointment and some simmering anger. 

It's absolutely no secret how you disapprove of her romantic choices, but for good reasons. 

She's been 'messing around' with a guy from school who she's close with but you absolutely detest. He irritates you to no end even before this reveal. Selfish, uncaring of others (unless he's sneaking around with one of your best friends apparently) and not even half as attractive as she is. 

You're respectful of course... respectfully and openly irritated. The news is like a bucketful of cold water doused on you while you are waking up, so of course you immediately shake free of her hand holding. 

She's nervously laughing, looking a tad rueful. She knows how you feel about this revelation, and she also knew what your general reaction would be. She knows you well enough to be nervous about telling you. She even knows he's not good enough for her (but this perhaps is partly why it's a secret and casual). Eventually a year down the track you learn they never had sex, and that fills you with a little more ease. 

She knew you'd be mad. She told you they've been hooking up for months now. Months. And maybe you shouldn't feel so strongly because you, too are hiding a big part of yourself. 

You say you can't believe her out loud - loud enough that your third companion is curious about what she just revealed to you. And maybe it makes you feel a little bit better that she wanted to tell you before him. 

Part of you is filled with such simmering anger that someone like him, someone who's inherently such an indecent guy could manage to land someone as ethereal as her. You, yourself are no prize but still, it's so frustrating. Straight women have the worst taste in men. 

The knowledge of her choosing to sneak around with him of all people irritates you the entire night. You leave early that night.

Both of you know you still hide things from each other, but neither of you talk about it.