scopaesthesia 🌦 lee jeno

🌦15🌦

As they got back to the classroom Mishil noticed that she gotten a note on her table

please meet me at the courtyard after school

She blinked in confusion, who wanted to meet her?

"Oooh is that a love note" Minsoo snooped, she stuffed the note into her bag, "It's really not your business" she murmured taking a seat

"Love note, love note, love note" Minsoo chanted over and over again making Mishil shake her head

She noticed how fidgety Seojun had become, she shook his arm, "Jun are you okay?" he looked kinda shocked, "U-uh yeah, just kinda c-cold" 

A skeptical expression laid on her face, "Yeah, sure" she said facing forwards as the door opened

"Hello class, Mr Seo is busy this afternoon so I'll be covering english for today. Incase you forgot I'm Mr Jung"

"Mr Jung freestyle!" someone from the back called out

"I lived in America for 4 to 5 years! That's why I'm here" he said quickly before he started teaching, the class giggled lightly before focusing

🌦

After everyone separated their ways to their homes Mishil noticed that Seojun had disappeared, "Where'd he go?" Mishil murmured

She shrugged it off and rushed off the school's courtyard, the varieties of flowers and the fairy lights that scatters around. It was.. Beautiful..

She took in the beauty of the courtyard and sat at the fountain in the middle of the courtyard. Patiently she waited to see who would appear

She heard quiet footsteps which revealed a male figure, "Seojun?" she blinked, "Why are you here..?"

This soft smile spread across his face, "Mishil.. We've been friends since literally forever right?" she nodded hesitantly 

"And for the pass 12 years I've just.. Had this feeling in my heart that becomes warmer the more I'm around you.."

"I honestly thought it would've disappeared since you know you were 7 I was 6, yet it hasn't disappeared.. It makes me wonder how long it'll stick with me"

"You know how happy you make me right?" his eyes gleamed with so many stars, a whole galaxy could live in them

"I've waited for so long to tell you this, but I felt like I would ruin our friendship, I don't want to burden you with my feelings.. But it just hurts knowing that if I don't tell you soon enough I'll lose you"

"I know we made a promise that we'll help each other if we ever had a crush, but this isn't something you can help with because I don't know if you feel it."

"You've changed me in so many ways, and you probably don't even realize it. The built up trust that we made feels so small but reaches so big."

"I make these stupid jokes and act childish because I love your smile, I love how you manage to do the minimum but still manage to shine brighter than the stars at night"

Mishil stared in the confusion, "Seojun.."

"Mishil I like you, no fuck that, I fucking love you, but for some reason you never seem to notice.. I've tried so hard to make you notice through my actions but you view me as just a best friend."

Mishil froze in place, everything processing through her brain

"I'm just the best friend, the one that you priorities your feelings with, but you don't have the feelings that I have for you" his eyes began to become glossy 

"I can't take it anymore, the constant reminder that I am nothing else but a best friend. I am just a character in your story that is the support, I'm nothing more than the support.."

"I don't expect you to like me, I don't even expect you to give me a chance.. I just. I couldn't take it anymore Mishil.. I just couldn't sit here as you grow older and probably develop more feelings for people that you actual like as I suffer in pain"

"The feeling of coldness that could easily be warmed but will never be warmed.. For the last 3 years I've tried to tell you that I liked you but you were always busy"

It finally clicked, all the times that he tried to take you to places, all the times he tried to meet you after school but you cancelled due to home life. It all made perfect sense

"Seojun.. I'm so fucking sorry-"

"Don't be sorry. You prioritized your future over feelings. Something that I could never do.. I just needed to tell you.. So god damn badly"

Tears had finally fallen from his eyes down to his cheeks, "I wasted 12 years for you.. Just to get to this moment.."

"Seojun I'm sorry that I can't return your feelings, I'm so fucking sorry" tears started growing in her eyes as well

"If I knew sooner.. So many things.."

"No matter when you knew that I liked you, you still wouldn't have returned my feelings. Mutual feelings and forced feelings will never be the same love."

Seojun wiped his tears away and gave Mishil a small smile, "I'm sorry I wasted your time, I'll go now.." he started walking off

Mishil's eyes widen as she stood up and went after Seojun, "Seojun wait!"

She grabbed a hold of his hand, "Please don't think that, if anything I wasted your time, you had so much opportunities ruined because of me."

Seojun smiled and patted her head, "Life will move on, my feelings will move on, and you'll forget this one day anyways." he walked off away from her leaving her alone

"This is my fault.." she started breaking into tears, what would've changed if she realized sooner? 

🌦

Seojun sat on the field behind the school, it stretched out for miles and untouched. His legs were pulled up to his chest as he hugged them closely

The tears that continued to fall wouldn't stop, he knew that she didn't like him so why does it still hurt..

Soft footsteps on the grass were faintly heard by Seojun, a figure with blonde hair sat beside him. Seojun glanced over to the figure 

"R-renjun?" he whispered, his voice hoarsed due to the amount of crying he's been doing

"What happened?" Renjun asked softly

"I-I finally told her.. Y-yet it still h-hurts so f-fucking much.." he tried to steady his breathing which made it extra worse

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

Seojun shook his head as he continued to cry, his soft whimpers filling the sound around them

Renjun carefully moved Seojun's head so it rested on his shoulder, Seojun caring less being stuck in his world of hurt

"It'll be alright.. Just let it all out.." Renjun whispered softly humming a tune

After awhile Seojun had fallen asleep, his breathing smoothing out. A small smile laid on Renjun's face, he texted a friend to pick them up

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a/n

so.

how you feeling now :)