𝐋𝐞𝐭'𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐓𝐚𝐥𝐤

Chapter Eleven

Life goes on without Lillian. For the first few days, I didn't think it would. I was happy throughout the day, but during the night, I always fell asleep crying into my pillow.

But I'm better now. I only tear up when I see something that very much reminds me of Lillian. (Which is not great, because my locker is kind of covered in pictures of her.)

Tiegan, of course, was fine merely minutes after Lillian left. I clearly remember what she said to us to break the miserable silence: "Want to go get some ice cream or something?"

I thought Ava would be the same, but she's been sort of depressed ever since Lillian left. Who knew that she loved the girl so much? Every snipe, jab, and hurtful comment she ever made to Lillian was probably filled with love. (Well, not really. But maybe she didn't mean them as much as we thought.)

We still call her. Three times a week, on Sundays, Wednesdays and Fridays. But it isn't the same. And it won't ever be the same.

It's not only our friendship that will never be the same. WE won't ever be the same. Losing someone so important in your life can do things to a person. You can become angry more easily, like Tiegan. You can become more depressed, like Ava. Or you can be scared, like me.

Because I'm scared, alright. Scared of ever letting anyone get that close to me again. Because they're all going to break your heart eventually.

When I told Tiegan this, she slapped me in the face, hard.

"Don't ever talk like that again!" She ordered. "You should never be scared of getting close to other people. If you act so guarded all the time, you may not ever get your heart broken, but you'll never be happy either."

I opened my mouth to interrupt, but it seemed like she had more to say.

"Yes, Lillian leaving is one of the saddest things you've had to experience in your life so far. For me too. But there were good times before the bad ones. Would you rather have never known her in the first place?"

I nodded my head no.

"Exactly." Tiegan sighed. "Got it?"

"Got it." I whispered back.

"Good." She huffed. "Because you're starting to make me sound like I'm starring in a soap opera."

It's times like those that make me hate and love Tiegan at the same time.

When I wake up this morning, I'm sad for many reasons.

First of all, today's the one month anniversary for Lillian's departure. Is that the correct way to describe it? It sounds too cheerful.

Second of all, I have a giant pimple on my forehead.
And third of all, today's the last day of school.

Many people celebrate the last day of school as if it's their birthday, Halloween, and New Year's all mixed into one marvelous day. I'm not like that.

The thing is, I'm a nerd. Phrase it however you'd like, but that's what I am, and I'm okay with that. People make it sound as if being a nerd is a bad thing, when really, I think it's just a crueler way of calling someone a genius.

Anyways, today is not a happy day. Tiegan's texts aren't making me feel any better either.

Tiegan: Happy last day of school!!!

Me: Wrong. This is a very, very sad day.

Me:😔

Tiegan:...

Tiegan: Seriously?

Nicole: Serious as a heart attack.

Tiegan: What's there to be sad about?