Journey To Queerdom ✔️

BOY-GIRL

First of all let's get somethings cleared up.
This is neither a romantic story nor has a happy ever after ending. Though, similar to one, It's also not a diary, if it were? Then there's a lot of missing pages. Thirdly, it's very unprofessional.
     Have you ever wondered why someone would believe He's or she's Gay? Sounds odd right? Yeah, I mean it should if you're Nigerian or From the likes. Why would I fall in love with a guy? Besides, He's got everything I have!
     Love! Another very controversial Word. What is Love?
I don't expect any Dictionary or Encyclopedia definition. I believe Love is what you deem it to be, personally, I didn't believe in Love, If actually it does exist why'd a one time Romeo and Juliet, be cat and dogs overnight?
I know right? 'All relationships have their flaws'  That's what you wanted to say? Maybe not exactly!
Well Bullshit!
    Let's not get to involved yet, Don't you want to know me first ?
    My name is Julius Danladi. Yes a Northerner! Though, one who didn't seem so. I was too outspoken and exposed for an Aboki , No offense please.
    My life started in Kaduna, I was said to be a very lively and bright child, admired by all. My memories are quite turbid but I sometimes try to picture imaginations of little Julius, most of which I guess were wrong, I would had glanced through old pictures or albums, but there was none.
     I was told the rented apartment we once lived in got burnt to the ground. Four year old Julius was the spark and ignition. Though my parents said they'd denied the whole thing to shy away from demands of compensation to the landlord. 'How exactly did I start the fire?' I'll ask, I never got any genuine reply. I guess I alone, should have the answer. After all I was said to be alone in the room when it started. I didn't just loose my Memories, I lost all tracks or flashes of saved memories to the fire.
     I was told few weeks after the fire My dad Was recruited into the Nigerian Navy, Cool right? Trust me it wasn't. We moved from Kaduna to Port Harcourt, his First station. My mother said she was heavy then, Honestly, if I was told a different childhood story I'd believe, cause I knew nothing about my past, that made me very inquisitive.  I asked too many questions some of which were irrelevant, my mom always answered my questions except a few, I guess she was tired or maybe the questions were about stuffs I shouldn't had known then. My dad on the other hand was a busy man and hardly had time for himself or his wife let alone my tiring questions.
    I was made to believe we moved to Port Harcourt empty as a pauper's purse, then, waited for Dad's first pay which was reduced by half it's worth, as he had to send a little to his parents as it was a tradition with First Salaries. What was left, they used to furnish the apartment and buy Household items.
    I don't know if it's normal, but as I grow I tend to forget the past easily, even scenes from four years ago I really can't picture them except I have a pictorial representation, then I'll be like.
  ‘Ohh, I remember that day….’
   Is it just me ?

     We hadn't completed a year in Port Harcourt when Dad was posted to Lagos, my mom just had Jane, My kid sister, she said she had difficulty with her birth and spent almost five months in the hospital, that's probably why my Mom's memories from Port Harcourt were obscure too. So please don't ask me about Port Harcourt, cause I'll just show you one picture and that's it. It was taken in my dad's Office I was there alongside my dad and a few of his colleagues.I can't even remember the day. Jane's birth was too problematic, I guess there wasn't enough time to take enough pictures.
     Okay, that should be all about my Family let's move on.
My mom? Ohh! I almost forgot, she said she worked as a temporary staff  in a court, that was in Kaduna though, she forfeited it, when we moved. Since then it's been difficult getting a new one, though she laid her hands on petty trade from time to time. I recall it being successful in Lagos. She sold Bags of rice, cans of cooking oil, frozen chicken and drinks, she went strictly into wholesale trade. So I guess that's it. You know so much about me, what about you? What's your childhood like? Have you also forgotten almost everything like me?

    “I'm gay! ” Previously, I found this Tiny phrase the hardest of things to say except on Messenger or WhatsApp. Yeah, it's definitely to someone I found from a queer group. Though, I'd always knew I wasn't attracted to the opposite sex, it was really hard to accept. Maybe because my society sees it from a totally different perspective. Like I said my childhood memories aren't really clear but I remember wanting to be a fashion designer. Yeah it's not normal, it could only be if a it was coming from a Lady. Don't get me wrong, I didn't wish I was a Lady.
    Orientations actually shape people. I think I was six years old or so when I actually enjoyed watching this runway models on TV,even though I was seldomly allowed to watch TV. After the display, the Designers would give a talk. So most often, if they were males? They're actually the girly type. If you're the type obsessed about Fashion you'd disagree less with me.  Luckily, That day I was to stay at my neighbor's place pending my mom's arrival from market or my dad's from work. So, I was watching my favorite when Ola Walked in.
   ‘No cartoon?’
   ‘Cartoon? ’
   ‘Yes na, Why are you watching models, Or you wanna be a model?’ He asked as he grabbed the remote and changed the channel.
  “Brother Ola, please I'm enjoying it na.”
  ‘Okay I'll change it back, let me just check something.’
  ‘Thank you sir! I want to be a Fashion designer.’ I said as he tuned back to the channel.
  ‘Most male designers are gays o. See this one now why is he doing like fish? ’ He said pointing at the TV set, it was one of the Girly types talking.
  ‘How are they all gays?’ I asked wondering what Gay means, Ola on the other had thought I was arguing for designers.
  ‘See this one na his a boy-girl na.’ He said pointing at the TV again.
  ‘Ok this one is a gay!’ I tried to derive the definition of gay.
   ‘Yes, I'm sure that's his partner his posing with for a picture’ The guy in question stood next to another guy and held him so tight, both smiling cheerfully. It was then clear to me that A guy who's attracted to a fellow guy is called gay.
    Surprisingly, my characteristics were quite too much, I'd love to be a Fashion designer, not just any but one who'd wanted to make female dress. I remember tying my mom's veils around my neck and adjusting to meet different styles, some times I'd catwalk from one edge if the room to another, Jane would look at me and be like :
‘You know you're a boy right? ’