Betty & James

Chapter 7: this is me trying.

Dylan visited me, his eyes, are seeing me in a different way than before. I ignored James most of the time. I haven't  forgiven him yet. I remember the picture Inez sent me. That picture was the only reason why I broke up with him. It caused a pain in my heart that is going to take a long time to heal. I only thinking of moving on.

From my picture collage with James to the wide range of Taylor swift albums, the teddy bear on my bed that James gave me, and the Cardigan. My favorite Cardigan he gave me during homeroom. All of these are part of my past.

This is me now trying to move on.

I tried to smile, I wished I could just give up the things he gave me. I don't know why I can't.
My eyes focused on the cardigan that was hung in my open closet. It was the first thing I wanted to throw away. I just threw it on the floor and it lay under my bed.

Dylan was downstairs. He knew I would get rid of all the gifts James gave me. All I care about now is moving on. I hated that my ex-boyfriend had slept with August.

It pains me deeply like a knife that slit my wrist. I feel depressed right now. I never wanted to hurt myself because of the mistake he did with me.

I lay down on my bed. Started bursting into tears. Crying my heart out since the breakup a few weeks ago. The truth is all I wanted was for James to still be mine. I respected myself therefore I decided to end things with him. I hated people who aren't loyal especially when it comes to close relationships.

I had a hard time adjusting to my new homeroom class. Inez wasn't there even James.

Only one face was there.

The girl who had slept with James.
August Summers and I never talked. It was not because I hate her. She was just a reminder of the mistake James made. She tries to approach me sometimes. I just ignored her. Inez became closer to me than before. She would tell me how Ashton had a hard time trusting August for some reason. Ashton had loved August before. It was the same thing that happened to both her and her. Ashton cheated on August. I feel her pain somehow.

How boys treated her like a used doll.
A toy to play with, a blood stain on her dress that never faded.

This is me trying to move on.
Trying to date Dylan help me cope with all my problems.

All the flashbacks of me and James.
It makes the pain worst than ever.

Dylan knocked on my door. "Betty," I let him in while he kissed my cheek. "Please forget about James. He is such a teenage dirtbag."

"I remember there was a song about that. Called Teenage dirtbag by Wheatus." I then laughed at the thought. His grin was cute, and the corners of his smile showed his dimples. Dylan always likes to mention songs and relate them to people.

"You don't deserve to be treated like an option Betty. You are an amazing person even without James by your side. At least you have me." He sounded genuine about what he said.

Things aren't easy if not many people are by your side. I then remembered that I wanted a party.
I would celebrate since I am transferring next year. A party where I can make memories.

The backyard garden was a perfect spot for that party. Everyone already knew about this since I had given invitations. "About the party, can you not invite James?" Dylan asked me then I disagreed.

"I want him to regret what he did to me." Dylan then began to do the secret handshake with me. After that, his arms began to embrace me. I then wrapped my arms around him. "Thank you, Dylan." A tear streamed down my face. This embrace lasted forever in my new memories with Dylan.

He then told me that he can read me his diary. "I thought that was personal. Why would you want to read it to me?" He then explained that he wanted me to know how he felt when I was with James.

I then nodded and sat down on my bed. I wanted to know what his story was. He sat beside me and gets his small notebook from his pocket. I lay down on his lap and I started to listen to what he will say.

"When you and James met, you were a new girl that guys wanted. James and I both want to get to know you. At first, James was shy, but he wrote you notes and letters during homeroom class. That was when you started liking him.

But me? I started to get to know you by text. Every day we texted. I already knew that James had secured your heart. When I got a chance to be the best friend you wanted. You and James were inseparable. I had a crush on you ever since.

When I danced with you. I noticed that James was mad and had the urge to punch me. I saw this girl who he had a one-night stand with. She also liked James. And that is how those days are over now. I figured out that James tends to get jealous. Which leads him to lose you and make you one of his options. I think that James had been a bad liar this whole time. Betty, I know me and James had a rivalry. And I wanted to let you know that I love you even if I still remain the best friend you will always have."

"That was sweet." I complimented him. His voice was filled with kindness. I was surprised that Dylan had a crush on me this whole time. "That's why I want you to not give up. Maybe I'm not going to be your last boyfriend. I know that there is always someone who is meant for you."

I wasted all my potential in mourning my broken relationship that can never work out well. "I will leave you for now Betty, I have to go since I have football practice." I then asked him when he will be back. "Maybe Saturday. Bye Betty." He then stood up then left my room.

I don't know if I will allow myself to love Dylan. I feel like I am smart enough to decide on these matters.
If only I would forgive James and let him make it up to me.

This is still me trying to decide.

I think my heart is not ready to break apart again.