Things That Fade

Day Four

It was the little things at first; it always is. The day started off normally; after having breakfast, we decided to take a stroll around town. We’d walk aimlessly for hours on end, taking occasional breaks here and there, and even after doing so we still wouldn’t, or rather couldn’t, run out of things to say to each other. When it started to get dark, he gripped my hand tightly and dragged me to a bench that oversaw the countryside, right below an old willow. I sat down beside him, draped my legs across his lap, and leaned my head against him; something I had been doing a lot more often lately. It’s the hopeless romantic inside me that pushes me into doing such things; things like holding his hand, leaning on him, or even clinging on to him for no reason whatsoever. The same hopeless romantic that’s so desperately afraid of losing him, so she constantly holds on to him, afraid that if she lets him go for a minute, he might vanish into a feeling of warmth that she once knew. The same hopeless romantic that’s so afraid that his heart might stop beating for her, or even beating at all, at any given time; so she leans her head against his chest, constantly listening to the rhythmic thumping of that which she has grown so fond of; the same hopeless romantic that clings on to something that seems so close, yet so distant. My thoughts were derailed by his sudden yet gentle movement. His hands were pointing towards the night sky.

“Hope, have I ever told you the story of the bright firefly”

“No. Tell me now?”

“Well… there was once this firefly that, no matter what he did, he could never fit in. Know why?”

“Because he was bright?!” I feigned enthusiasm. “Christ, Catchy. I’m not 10 years old anymore. Don’t narrate it like you have to keep my attention.”

“But I do want to keep your attention. Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because… you don’t…”

“Don’t what…?”

“You don’t… have to. You don’t have to try to catch my attention… you know how I say that I like it when you shyly place your eyes on me… well… I only have eyes for you… and… they’re always… on you.”

            He stared at me for a few seconds with his mouth half-agape, after which he broke into a fit of nervous coughing.

“O-Okay, anyway, the firefly never fit in because whenever the time came for the other fireflies to light up, he would always shine too bright. Nobody liked him because he outshined everybody; nobody even bothered to ask whether it was on purpose or not, of course, it wasn’t. At one point he even tried wrapping a leaf around his light to tone down his shine, but it didn’t help, it just made everything groovy green.”

“Groovy green? Really? That’s how you’re going to describe it?” I told him, trying my best to suppress my laugh.

“Yes, groovy green, get down with it. Anyway, this firefly felt extremely lonely, so one night, he decided to leave their gathering area. He wandered around the forest until he arrived at a clearing, where, he met the love of his life. He looked up at the sky, and saw something shining just as bright as he did. Finally, he thought, right there, right in front of him, was something that could understand how he felt; one bright surrounded by thousands of dims. Every night the firefly visited that clearing; every night he would stay there and shine as bright as he could, hoping that his love would see it, hoping that his love would find the SOS he was sending from halfway across the universe, telling her that no, she isn’t the only one. Every night he’d make a wish on that star, hoping that as each and every hour passes, his bright will bring him closer to her bright.”

“…stars. Funny thing about them is that when you look at them, it’s hard to believe that all you’re seeing is just a photograph of what they used to be.”

“Yes, but… what if you’re lucky enough to wish on one that wasn’t…?”

            His words stunned me for a moment. I had opened my mouth to say something in return, but he cut me off.

“You know, when you were gone I used to look up at the night sky and find the brightest star I could see. Whenever I would find one, I’d cross my fingers and ask a favor from it. Was it stupid? Yeah, I believe so; childish and naïve? Definitely. But I don’t think what I asked for was unreasonable.” He paused to glance at me. I could see a small smile forming in his expression, and his gaze shifted back up to the heavens.

“I asked if I could see you again. I guess out of all the stars that I found, I was lucky enough to have asked at least one live bright.”

            He leaned his head against mine and held me closer. In just a matter of seconds I was out of words. I hated how I love it when he left me speechless. Words were my sword and shield, and I hated how I love it when he disarms me. I buried my face against his chest. His arms stiffened around me all of a sudden, and he pushed me back just enough to get a good view of my face; I hadn’t noticed I was crying.

“Hope… what’s the matter?”

“…I know.”

            There was a still silence that hung in the atmosphere after I had said the words. His gaze shifted to the sky.

“…I know you know.”

“You didn’t tell me. Why?”

“Would it have helped?”

            His words stung; they stabbed into me like an ice pick. Before I knew it, my tears had begun staining his shirt again.

“Catchy…”

            It took a while for him to calm me down, but when I managed to compose myself long enough to listen to his answer, he planted a soft kiss on my nose, and said.

“It’s easy to drop a heavy heart, but it’s much more difficult to pick up all the pieces.”

            My gaze shifted to his lips, which were now quivering, as were mine. I leaned in and kissed him as passionately as I could. When I backed away, his gaze quickly transferred to the stars up above. I looked at him with a puzzled expression as his hair blocked his countenance from my view, but then, a stray tear rolled down his cheek, which was followed by another one.

“Catchy…”

“…It’s raining.”           

            I could hear my heart cracking in my chest.

“Yes… It… It seems so…”

            It was a beautiful night in France. The skies were clear and the stars were shining brilliantly above us. The moon beamed over the entire landscape and bathed us with its milky silver light. After a few more minutes of silent embracing, we walked home, hand in each other’s hand.