Things That Fade

Day Five

When I woke up, I was alone again. ‘Something I’d have to get used to’ I thought to myself. I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard the sound of his voice; he was sitting by the window reading Dorian Grey.

“Morning. Hey, do you remember how I found you?”

            I got up off the bed, folded my sheets, and sat next to him.

“What do you mean?”

“You know, when I found you in France. Do you remember?”

 “Now that you mention it, I don’t actually. All I remember was waking up in the emergency room, and you were there; stupid bike messenger.”

            He let out a nervous laugh, and turned to look the other way. That’s when I remembered; I saw the deep scar on his neck, and I ventured to ask about it.

“Catchy, you never told me how you got that scar on your neck.”

            His entire body stiffened for the slightest of moments, before he turned to me, smiled, and let out yet another nervous laugh.

“It’s… that’s a long story, and I doubt you have time for it.”

            I narrowed my eyes in suspicion; he was a good liar, but for some reason whenever he’d try to lie to me, he would get shifty and start actting shady as fuck. In an effort to extract information out of him, I tugged down on his bangs repeatedly.

“Spill the beans.”

“Ah! Fine, fine, just stop. You remember that scar you have on your lower back?”

“What about it?”

“Before you woke up in the hospital, I saw what happened. Some stupid kid was riding a bike, when a group of girls caught his attention. He lost focus, and rammed into you. The pedal of the bike scratched against your lower back; that’s how you got the scar. It would have been worse…”

“Let me guess; it would have been worse, if you hadn’t saved me?”

            He laughed heartily at my remark. When he had managed to compose himself, he looked me in the eyes, smiled, and spoke.

“I was the stupid kid riding a bike. I even have a matching scar to prove it.”

            He pointed at the scar on the back of his neck.

“I flipped over when I hit you. I landed on the pavement and rolled downhill for a few seconds. A sharp rock must have cut into the back of my neck. I was in the hospital when you woke up because they had just finished stitching me up. I know, I know. That bike is going to get me killed someday.”

            Part of me knew that I should have gotten angry. Part of me knew that I should have asked him why he never mentioned that before. So why was it that I couldn’t help but smile? Why was it that I couldn’t help but laugh? Just then, he put down his book, and got up. As he was standing up, I saw a strangely familiar object tied to one of his belt loops. My hand immediately pointed to it.

“What’s that?”

            He stared at the object I was pointing at for a short while, and smiled.

“You don’t remember? It’s the bell you gave to me back when you visited me.”

            That’s when it all came flooding back. It had been a week after I saw him in that coffee shop reading Dorian Grey. We had been spending a lot of time together, and out of nowhere, he asked me to go camping with him. ‘It’ll be fun’ he said to me. ‘We’ll roast marshmallows and hotdogs, go hiking, and maybe even stargaze’. Of course, I couldn’t say no, and so we went camping. The only problem though, was that he was always getting lost in the forest. I remember buying that bell for him, and tying it around his wrist. So no matter where he went, I could still find him. No matter how far he wandered off, I’d hear that bell, and I’d know where to find him.

“Catchy… I didn’t know you still had that.”

“… I never lost it.”

            Without another word, he removed it from his belt loop, tied it to his wrist, and gave it a little shake. The tinkle that filled up the silence in the spaces between us didn’t fail to remind me of the relief I always used to feel when I would lose him; the relief I’d feel when I’d hear that bell. We were silent for a few minutes. It wasn’t an awkward silence nor was it an unwelcome silence. It was the silence between two people who knew that nothing needed to be said. Then, the thought came to me; something did need to be said. I looked at him, smiled, and prepared myself to blunder out the good news.

“Catchy… I got a letter today; from the University.”

“Oh? What did it say?”

“They’re asking me to be a part of a group that they’re sending abroad. You know, to study art.”

            A pensive look immediately dawned on his face.

“… Leaving again, Hope?”

“No; that’s the good news. I’m not going. I’ll stay here, with you”

            He was surprised; I didn’t blame him. I sat in silence for a few more seconds; I was anticipating a smile. I was waiting for him to smile, and say that he was happy; happy that I would want nothing more than to be here, with him. Happy that there’s no other place in the world I’d rather be. And just as I expected, he smiled.

“… No. You’re not staying.”

“… What?”

“You’re going to call the university, cancel your request for a leave, and you’re going to take that offer.”

            No. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. This wasn’t what he was supposed to say. He was supposed to want me to stay with him. This wasn’t the plan. My hands were starting to quiver, as were my lips. I was afraid my welling eyes were going to betray me yet again.

“Y-You don’t want me here?”

“Hope… I do; more than anything in the world. But I know you. You love what you do. I know your dreams, your goals, your fears, your hopes, your aspirations, your strengths, your weaknesses; I know you. This… this isn’t where you should be. You shouldn’t be wasting your time here; you should be out there, storming the world. And I’ll be damned if I keep you from doing just that.”

“But…”

            That’s when he grabbed me by the hand, and kissed me softly on the lips.

“I’ll always be here for you Hope; always. But this… this opportunity won’t.”

            This wasn’t what he was supposed to say. This wasn’t the plan. This wasn’t how the day was supposed to go. I knew he was right; I wanted more than what I already had now. It was my dream to tour Europe and learn all that I could, but it was a dream I was more than ready to postpone, or even give up entirely for him. I thought that for once, I could make the sacrifice, but I should have known that he wouldn’t let me. Without another word, he grabbed my hand, stood up, smiled at me, and said.

“Hope, let’s go for a walk.”