Things That Fade

Day Six

I had my dreams. I had my fears. I had my apprehensions and my hesitations. I had my regrets. I had my worries. And I had my anxieties. A suitcase full of them.

            I don’t know why I agreed. I don’t know why I caved in. Maybe somewhere deep down that battered heart of mine, I actually wanted to go. Maybe there was a part of me that thought that since he wouldn’t fault me for wanting to go; since no one would fault me for wanting to go, it would have been right to do so.

            Halfhearted, he used to tease me. I was never one to take risks unless they made complete sense, and even then I had a hard time pouring my entirety into it. Not a lot has changed, apparently. Half of my heart likes to rationalize; it likes to think that there isn’t anything wrong with me chasing after my dreams. The other half speaks with venom in her voice, using words like selfish and insensitive to whittle down the rationalizations. Half of my heart’s got a good grip on my situation, while the other half likes to take its time. Half of my heart’s got a right mind to unpack my suitcase, while the other half holds a goodbye on the tip of its tongue. Halfhearted is right; I’m still the same indecisive little girl, who never could figure out how to give more than half of her heart to anything.

            I fiddled with the torn envelope in my hands. When I called the University and told them that I was going to cancel my request for a leave, and that I was going to take them up on their offer, they were all too eager to send me my plane ticket; all too eager to see me off. I stared at the date stamped on the ticket for a while. Suddenly I heard the slight jingling of a bell, and before I could utter a word, I felt the tension weigh down on me like a ton of bricks.

“So when do you leave?”

“The flight leaves at three in the morning, so I guess I have to be at the airport before midnight.”

            He sat on the floor, next to me, and stared out the window. The sun was setting. Without warning, he took my hand, and asked.

“What time is it?”

            I checked my watch.

“It’s a quarter to eleven. Why?”

            With a look of disbelief clear across his face, he suddenly let go of my hand, and gasped.

“Are you sure? Check again?”

            With an amused sigh, I glance at my wrist, only to find that my watch was gone. I smiled; something that he was always too good at making me do. My gaze shifted to him, and wouldn’t you know it, he was wearing my watch on his right wrist. I rolled my eyes at him. He was an amazing magician. He could take things that seemed impossible, and make them possible, right in front of your eyes. Of course, that was something I would never openly admit; if I did, he’d never let me hear the end of it. But for some reason, right here, right now, I had to ask, if only for the fact that somewhere deep inside, a part of me knew that I might never get to do so again.

“How in the world did you do that?”

“Magic.”

            I stuck my tongue out at him; a gesture that made him laugh. As he was struggling to take off my wristwatch, he looked at me with a worried expression, and spoke.

“Do you… do you have everything you need? Are you sure you aren’t forgetting anything?”

“I still have to stop by my apartment to pick up a few things, but other than that, I’m sure. You don’t have to dote on me, you know.”

“I just don’t want you to feel like you’ve left something important behind when you land.”

            As much as I tried to fight it, a frown managed to make its way onto my face.