WHY ME

Just like me

Billie's POV
This is going to ruin her. She's not ready for this shit. No one ever is. I was, but that's bc I'm fucked up in several kinds of ways. What the hell was I thinking agreeing to this. This is bad.

I'm at Kiarah's house because.....well this bitch is always empty. I need time to think, Do we really need someone in the gang that bad? I'm snooping in her room cuz the only way to find out things about a person is seeing what they're hiding in there room. Everyone has a diary, my wall is my diary. Figured I'd find hers. Fun right?

"Ah bingo." I said to no one in particular.

I found her diary hidden under her mattress. Way too easy. I looked through  it not caring about what I find.

There may be something wrong with me. I don't care for others like a normal person should. I don't care for anyone. I don't have or show any remorse. I don't care who lives or dies. Life is stupid so why should I care.

But listen that's not it. I wanna watch the world burn with everyone in it. I dont care for my family or friends. I pretend to, but in reality I could care less about what people do or what they did. This sounds weird but this is how I feel.

I feel like I'm the only one.

What the hell. You mean to tell me she doesn't care that she got kidnapped. She doesn't care that I've ruined her life. She doesn't care that I took her away from her family. She doesn't care that I killed her best friend. I literally starved her for like 3 days.

You mean to tell me she's just like me.

I don't even know what to do with this kind of information. Damn. I'm not gonna tell her that I read her diary. I wanna see how far she can go. Fuck this. I was worried about her being in the gang but NOW.......... Now I know she's ready. I don't even need to 'train' her or anything. Well that was easy.

I checked the time and it was well past 3. I start to head back. I got back home and sat in the kitchen, eating cookies that Finneas made.

"You know Finneas, you're really soft for someone who's in a gang." I laugh.

"Oh shut up." We both laugh.

"Yo, guess what. I looked through Kiarah's diary."

"And?" He was confused.

"She's just like me. She doesn't feel anything." I was excited

"So she's a psycho." He laughed but I didn't think it was funny.

"Yea okay, whatever. But don't you get it she can join the gang."

"Just because she's just as crazy as you, doesn't mean she's ready. I told you to train her now go do that. We have a place to rob next week."

"Yea your right, have you seen her today?"

"Actually no. I haven't seen her.... and come to think of it, I haven't seen Noah either. Hmm."

A million things went through my head. I remembered when Kiarah was joking and sat on Noah's lap. I remember Noah asking to share. I remember the look they gave each other. I'm going to kill her.

"Billie, I don't like that look on your face. That's the look you give people when you're ready to kill them. Calm down." He didn't know what to do with himself.

I completely ignored him. I ran up the stairs and went straight to my room. When I didn't see Kiarah, I saw red. I stormed over to Noah's room and guess what I saw. Noah on top of Kiarah having the time of her life.

"Yo. What the fuck!" Rage is all I felt.

"Shit. What the hell are you doing here." Noah tried to cover herself up.

"No, shut the fuck up. No talking." I pulled a gun on them. I'm not for this bullshit. Tears start to form in my eyes. Why am I getting emotional?

"Billie!" She lowered her voice after seeing the gun. "Billie. Calm down please. I- I-. Please."

"Kiarah. Tell me she forced you." I pointed the gun at Noah.

"What!?"

"Tell me she forced you and I'll shoot her. You won't get in trouble, I won't hurt you. Just tell me you didn't do this. Tell me she made you do it, Kiarah!" Tears falling down my face. I never let people see me cry. She's the only person to ever make me cry.

"Are you crazy!" Noah said with her hands up like I am a cop.

"KIARAH TELL ME!!!"

"I- I can't do that, Billie. She didn't force me to do anything." She really just said that. She's a good actor. I KNOW SHE DOESN'T CARE. she's pretending to give a shit....and for what. So I don't kill Noah. Well the joke is on her.

I pulled the trigger. The bullet hitting Noah in the head. I've always had some pretty good aim. I dragged Kiarah by her ponytail, out the door towards the basement. Her kicking and screaming behind me. I am so angry. I want to kill her, she deserves to die. I beat her senseless.

"Why am I even doing this. You don't even care." I sat down out of breath.

"What?" She was coughing up blood.

"You don't care about Noah. You don't care that she's dead."

"What are you talking about." She's acting so innocent.

"I read your diary Kiarah!" Her face changed from 'I'm so innocent to welp I don't give a shit.'

"My dairy huh. Well that's a lot easier than telling you. Shit...yea I really don't care."

She started hysterically laughing like she doesn't have 3 broken ribs. She's crazy, she's bleeding on the floor and laughing, and she won't stop.

She really is just like me. I start laughing too. We both can't stop at this point.

"Omg. Stop it hurts. I can't keep laughing." The funny thing is, she kept laughing.

I kick her in the stomach and we laugh harder. I fall on the floor next to her. We stopped laughing, we just stared into each other's eyes for what felt like forever.

"So, you gonna kiss me or what?"

Well I'm not gonna say no to that. I looked her up and down and kissed her. It got a little heated.

"Ouch. My ribs, you dumb fuck."

I gave her a what the fuck look. We started laughing all over again.

"Ahh. You wanna go back up stairs."

"I thought you'd never ask."