DEAR MISS AUTHOR (Against The Universe Series#2)

chapter 6

"is that my dad?" Inosenteng tanong ni sky ng maka layo kami kay matty

I look at him, I don't freaking know what to say.

My son meets his father, not once, but twice. How could I say to my son that Matthew is his father.

I don't wanna lie to him anymore, but there's something in my head saying that, I should keep it as a secret,  I need to keep my son away from his father, not because I don't want the two of them to know each other, but because I'm protecting my son from being hurt. I don't what other people to destroy my son.  I'm afraid that other kids will bully him for being a bastard,  and I'm afraid of that.

"Mommy?"

"No, he's, he's not your father!"

"But, he said, I'm his son"

"He's not your father sky, he's not, your father, your dad died a long time ago"

"Died?"

I close my eyes,  and look into my son's eyes. I can see that he's hurt.

Oh my baby, I'm sorry for adding another lie to you. I need this, I need to do this to save you from embarrassment.

"Yes sky, your father already died, a long time ago"

"Why did he die mommy?" He asked with a teary eye

"Because, because someone killed him"

"Who mommy?"

I sight, and pat his head.

"It doesn't matter anymore,  no more questions na sky ah? Mommy will tell you everything about your father soon" I said and give him a small smile.

He just nodded at me, and didn't ask anything again about his father.

If matty didn't marry flow, maybe... Just maybe we are a happy now,

me, sky and Matthew in our dream house near the beach, making some good memories, I wish I was flow, so that I'm Matty's wife right now.
But sad to say, that I am not flow. I'm not flow that Matthew first love, because I am just kia colleen, a girl from his past. And can't be included in his present.

As I was driving back in my parents home, I can't help myself not to think about Matthew and my son.

I'm so tired, being fuck-up with this freaking life that I have! I'm so tired! Physically, and mentally tired!

"Mommy you're crying" sky said, I look at him and slowly wipe my tears away.

"I'm, I... I'm sorry, I'm sorry my baby sky, I'm sorry" I said. I couldn't help but to cry,  wake up kia! Wake up kia colleen!! Damn! Stop being weak! You're with your son for goodness sake!

"Why are you saying sorry mom?"

I park my car, near  our village and cupped his face.

"I'm sorry because you're experiencing this kind of thing, because of me"

"What thing mommy?"

He asked innocently.

"This, I'm sorry that you don't have a father, I promise to you, that I will give my very best just for you not to feel incomplete, I can be your Mother and father at the same time."

"Don't cry na po mommy, "

He said and his small hands wipe my tears, that keep on falling on my cheeks.

"I love you sky, come, lets go home already? Your lola aki is waiting for you" I said and drove towards our house.

"You supposed to be writing right now" a voice behind me said, I look at my brother, who's carrying my sleeping son in his arm.

"I'm not in the mood to write" I said

"Put sky in the bed already, baka nahihirapan kana"

"Mmm, you're son is kinda heavy, ano bang pinapakain mo dyan, at sobrang bigat nyan?"

He said, I don't know if he's complaining or praising my son,

"Love" I said, my brother raised his one eyebrow with a confuse look.

"What do you mean love?"

I walk towards my son and caress his hair,

"I feed my son with a love"

"Love huh? Is it enough?"

I look at my brother with confuse look.

"What do you mean?"

"You know what lil'sis, hindi lang dapat ikaw ang mag bigay ng pag mamahal kay sky, I think... You're son needs a father"

I loud sarcastically, because of what he said.

"Are you nuts?! Kuya hindi kailangan ni sky ng ama! Ako! Ako, kaya ko naman maging daddy para sakanya, ilang taon ng walang kinikilalang tatay si sky, kaya hindi ko kailangan si matty sa buhay namin, I CAN RAISE MY SON BY MY OWN!"

I said

"Shiz! Don't shout! What I'm trying to say here is, give Matthew a chance! He deserves to know about your son! Kahit papaano ay kailangan parin makilala ng anak mo ang daddy nya"

"Your name is light right? Please stop KUYA light, I don't need your opinion about this matter, you are light, you supposed to be giving me some light, not darkness!"

"What the?! Kia colleen!! I don't freaking know what the hell is happening with you! Stop being selfish! And I'm not giving you some darkness! I'm giving you light! Can't you see it? I'm putting some sense in that tiny brain of yours! Masyado kanang nilalamon ng takot mo, ikaw mismo ang nagdadala sa sarili mo sa kadiliman!"

I look at him and stared into his eyes.

I gulp and nod my head.

"Yeah you're right, fear gotten me first, you know why? Because of matty! It is all because of him! Kuya ako yung nasaktan saming dalawa, ako yung iniwan, ako yung pinangakuan pero sa iba ginawa, ako yung gusto nya pero iba ang mahal nya! Ako yung nag mukhang tanga sa harap ng mga magulang nya, begging them not to destroy him! Ako yung- yung mas higit na nasaktan saming dalawa. Sapagkat ginusto nya lang ako dahil wala ang mahal nya, he only  loves me because I was the one who's there, when he needed someone to talk.  Kaya sige! Blame me for hiding my son from him! Blame me kuya! Put every blame on me! Go! I don't freaking care anymore!"

As I was saying that I couldn't help myself but to cry. Digging up my past is hard!

He walks towards me and hug me, for the first time, as I become an adult, this is the first time that he hugged me, comforting from being hurt.

"Cry, just cry my little pony, kuya is here,  Ii will listen to you"

He said and that makes me cry even more.

"I love him kuya, I really do"

He stand up straight and give me a wicked face

"Kia, wag tanga"
He said and left my room.
He left me here, with my mouth wide open.

What the?! Ayun na eh! Moment kona yun! Akala ko pa naman mabait na sya!

That freaking brother of mine!!!!