Levi X Reader Oneshots

6. Something Lost; Something Found

**Warning: Character death**

World War 2 AU (Not Historically Accurate)

16th May, 1941, London

Reader POV

I stood staring blankly ahead of me at the pile of mangled bodies in the plaza. They had been collected after the last of the bombs had hit their mark somewhere in the neighborhood days ago, and brought here to this plaza for a mass funeral pyre. Many soldiers and innocent men, women, and children had been killed by the Germans thanks to this stupid state of war the world was in. My husband had been among those killed on the final day of the bombings that had occurred. His body had been mostly intact which made it easy for me to confirm his identity when he was found and brought here. But losing the love of my life so soon after getting married hadnt quite sunk in just yet.

A harsh wind blew through the plaza and I couldnt even be bothered to shiver at its chill as the sun began to set and a few men lit torches in preparation for the burning of the fallen citizens and soldiers alike. My right hand twitched at my side, seeking the warmth of another hand that was no longer there to be held. Tears blurred my vision and slid down my cheeks, leaving burning hot trails in their wake but I didn't acknowledge the act of crying, remaining silent as I stared ahead, picking out my husband's face in the dying light of day near the middle of the pile of bodies. His face held a peaceful expression and my chest tightened as more tears welled up in my eyes to replace the ones that had already fallen.

A faint red and orange glow began to light up the darkening backdrop of the sky and shadows danced around the started fire. I wrapped my arms tightly around myself and bit my lip to hold in a sob that made my whole body shudder. I could feel my heart tearing itself in two inside my chest and I was left in my own tormented mind all alone as I closed my eyes and sunk to my knees as the flames flickered and grew into a roaring fire that consumed all of the dead in an agonizingly slow fashion. The putrid smell of burning flesh was the only thing that grounded me in this moment of intangible grief. That and the feeling of my fingernails digging into my sides through the thin material of my dress proved to me that this was the awful reality I lived in and not just some sick dream. As much as I wished this were just some horrible nightmare, it was real, I wasnt going to wake up and see my loving husband laying in bed next to me...

I would never be able to hold his hand or place a gentle hand on his cheek as he opened his eyes and greeted me in the mornings with a soft kiss on the forehead and lips. I would never feel his strong arms around me, my source of comfort and security when I felt upset or stressed. I would never see his beautiful steely blue eyes that shined with interest and amusement whenever I recounted stories of my day to him during our evening tea before bed. I'd never feel his deft, calloused yet gentle fingers comb slowly through my hair to ease me off to sleep after a round of perfect, loving sex. I would never hear his deep, smooth voice that warmed me to my very soul whenever he spoke sweetly to me for no reason other than to make sure he knew how much he loved me at random times during the day. I would never be able to have the family I always wanted now that he was gone forever...

I opened my eyes again as I knelt there on the ground, a light rain beginning to fall as if the heavens were mourning the losses we had suffered mere days ago. The weeping heavens wasn't near enough to quell the raging flames of grief that devoured our fallen loved ones. The fire grew, swelling despite the light rain that slowly dampened my hair and made the loose pieces stick to my face and neck. My blurred gaze fell upon the place where Levi's body had once been, now burned beyond recognition as I continued to watch the pyre burn. The smoke and ash floating in the air stung my eyes, causing more tears but it didnt matter much with the mess I was in already.

I stayed until the fire burnt itself out and all that was left was a large pile of ash and smoldering embers, some bones had stubbornly remained but they were charred and barely recognizable. Slowly rising to my feet, I brushed off the skirt of my dress that had been on the damp cobblestone of the plaza. The tears had stopped but my heart still ached and bled for Levi along with the other innocents and soldiers that had been killed. Making my way back home was a slow, solemn walk in the pouring rain and by the time I made it there, I was soaked to the bone and shivering in an attempt to get warm.

I went about getting changed into my nightgown and climbing into bed without much thought into anything. I felt numb with emotional pain, my physical body working on autopilot until sleep consumed me. My dreams were tormented by the memories of the bombings from the German planes. The loud droning buzz of hundreds of bombers flying low over the city in the dead of night rang loud in my dreams, a source of terror that would probably stay with me for the rest of my life. It was a sound that brought fear and death and sorrow. Yet in my dreams I was unable to cry or shout or run. I was forced to stand and watch from the sidelines as scenes flashed by of people I knew being blasted to nothing more than red spray in the air that splattered on the ground alongside the rubble of homes that used to house women and children...

Children...

The one thing that I was certain I would never be able to have for myself now that Levi was gone from this world. I would never find another man as perfect as him, no one else I would rather share my life with, make a family with, grow old and die with... he was gone and all of those dreams along with him.

Or so I thought...

It took a full month before I noticed a change in my body. I felt more fatigued than normal, more hungry, more emotional. I hadnt had my period yet and it was concerning. Was my grief so strong that I had somehow brought on some weird sickness? Speaking of, nausea was becoming more prominent every morning, and sometimes even upon just smelling certain scents. It had me spooked enough to seek out assistance from my doctor.

He saw me within two weeks and denounced my fear but confirmed something else even more shocking. I was pregnant. The exhilarating night Levi and I had shared about a week before the bombings, about a week before he'd died, had left me with child. I sank to my knees in the doctor's office, covering my face with my hands as the floodgates holding back tears broke and they streaked down my face and dripped off my chin to the floor below. I was happy to hear that I was pregnant with Levi's child, but it was just so overwhelmed by grief over the fact that that child would never have a father to grow up with. My husband wouldn't be there to see his baby when the time came. He wouldn't be able to hold them or experience all their firsts, first steps, words...

It took a long time before I calmed down enough to go back home on my own with this new development. And I had time to think about it more than just being upset. Levi may be gone, but he was still with me in so many ways. His memories, his love, his child... I would just have to give our child enough love for the both of us so that they might be able to feel their father with them too in time.

I sat down on the edge of our once shared bed and took the framed picture from the nightstand, holding it in one hand as I rested the other on my stomach lightly. "You heard the doctor, didn't you, Levi?" I whispered down at the picture of us on our wedding day. Levi had an uncharacteristically large smile plastered on his face with an arm wrapped around me as I hugged him from the side, lips planted on his cheek with my eyes closed. It was the only time anyone other than me had seen him so happy and he had been that way because he had married me. And the moment was forever frozen in time. It felt like so many years ago that we had gotten engaged and then married.

"We're going to have a baby. You're a father, just like you always wanted to be. I only wish you could have been here with me for it all." My voice trailed off, barely a whisper to begin with as I rubbed my belly with the hand resting on it and smudged a few stray tears that had dripped from my eyes and nose onto the glass covering the picture. "I love you so much, so very much. It hurts, but please know that I'll love this child of ours enough for both of us. I'll show them your pictures; I'll tell them all the stories of our life together. I'll make sure they know everything about you that I do so it will be as though you were there with them the whole time. And I promise when the time comes, however many decades it takes, that you will get to meet our baby yourself and we can be a true family for eternity..."