ℍ𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕒 ℂ𝕒𝕣𝕣𝕠𝕥, ℂ𝕒𝕝𝕞 𝕐𝕠𝕦𝕣𝕤𝕖𝕝𝕗

Schlong [Sapnap]

Hey. Surprisingly, I'm not dead. I am, however, in love with cheesecake. I have expanded my horizons, as well. Sorry for the unannounced hiatus that lasted over three months.

⚠️pp jokes⚠️

Pronouns: they/them

You stared blankly at your PC screen, waiting for a notification of any form as you sat in the winner's lobby of a crappy Roblox obby. Whether it be from YouTube, Discord, Twitter, or any other app, you didn't really care. Tapping your finger against your mouse anxiously, you pulled up a random video from your YouTube recommended page and watched it to pass the time.

As you distracted yourself, you received a message from Discord. Sighing in relief, you opened Discord.

Sapnap:
JOJN VC
>:(
NOW

You stifled a laugh, joining the voice chat he was in. Almost immediately, you were bombarded with screaming.

"[NICKNAME]!" Sapnap shouted, causing you to jerk harshly from the volume. You could faintly hear Dream wheezing, and you slowly joined in.

"Hey, Sap." You greeted, leaning back in your chair.

"Join the SMP?" George asked clearly, though his voice wavered as he let out a few laughs. You smile and close out from your Roblox tab.

"Alright, alright. Calm down." You huffed, launching Minecraft and logging onto the SMP. "I'm here- oh."

"Do you like it?" Sapnap piped up, his character jumping around yours as you tried your best to read what was on the dark oak sign.

"I can't read what it says."

"What? How?" Sapnap was baffled as you laughed, "It says 'Sapnap has a big pp'. How did you know?" The cheeky tone in his voice made you laugh harder, followed by Dream, who cackled loudly.

"You haven't even had your first kiss, so I doubt it." You shrugged before heading off to the community house to look for a block to use without mining for hours.

As you walked over, your mother called for you and you muted your mic.

"Yeah, ma?" You yelled, taking off your headphones and draining your head to your door.

"I'm going out for a bit! Can you watch your brother? You can still play Minecraft, but you'll have to let your brother watch!" You contemplated the choice before sighing.

"Sure!" Footsteps hurried to your door and the six year old opened the door shyly, peering up at you from the spot where his head poked in.

"Hi," he murmured, standing there patiently.

"Hi, Beck," you smiled at him, holding out your arms. He took it as an invitation to walk over and he happily hugged you, moving to sit on your lap.

"Can we spin?" He asked, looking up at you curiously.

"Of course, but not for too long. My friends are wondering why I muted so suddenly." You gave his forehead a kiss and he giggled.

"Are those friends D- the Dream guy and Gorg?" You held up one finger and he nodded, "And is your crush there?" His giggling become more prevalent as you begun spinning, trying to distract him.

"Your crush is there! Can I meet him?" You stopped spinning and looked down at him before resting your chin on his head.

"O' course, bud," you hovered over the unmuted option and hummed, "you're not gonna say anything about that though, right?"

"Of course not!" You didn't know how, but he was a respectful six year old compared to all the other ones you came in contact with.

"Okay." Unmuting, your brother quietly watched as you resumed the game, only to scream as Dream walked in front of your character.

"SCARY!" He yelled, gripping your desk tightly. You cackled, grabbing the back of his head gently as he held onto a side of your chair.

"WHY IS THERE A KID HERE?" You winced at Dream's volume and turned him down, making sure Bick couldn't hear it.

"IT'S MY BABY BROTHER, DREAM. NOW HUSH, HE'S SCARED OF YOU. HE KNOWS WHAT YOU DID TO MY BOY TOMMY."

"Who's Tommy?" Beck questions, looking up at you.

"Hush now, child, pretend you know who Tommy is." Beck nodded and you began hitting Dream.

"DON'T HIT ME-"

"I'M GONNA GO OVER TO FLORIDA AND EAT YOUR CAT."

"WHAT THE-"

"Guys, guys, let's calm down. I know i have a giant schlong but both of you can share."

The call goes quiet and you slowly turn to your brother, who stared at the screen.

"Come in, sweetie, it's not safe here."

"NO, MY LONG LOST LOVER, DON'T LEAVE ME WITH THESE FIENDS-!"

You stand up and guide Beck out of your room and into the kitchen, grabbing a bag of cereal. You grab a small bowl and pour some of the overly sugary breakfast item into the plastic dome and hand it to Beck so he can eat it dry.

"Thanks," he grins up at you. You return it and give his forehead a quick kiss, then the two of you head back to your room.

"sapnap, why did you mess up your chance at love?" Dream's voice enters your ears from Sapnap's end of the call and you try not to laugh

"It's not my fault that they don't like my massive schlong."

"sorry I never said that." You cleared up, taking a few pieces of cereal from Beck's bowl. He giggles and stuffs some more of his snack into his mouth. "Now keep it PG or I'm gonna have to tell my mom that you're making-" you cover Beck's ears tightly and his shoulders hunch upward, "pepis jokes."

"That's it- I'm done. George's been gone for over five minutes." Dream leaves the call, leaving you and Sapnap, along with the six year old that's living his best life.

"So, shawty," you start after a bit, "wanna be my discord kitten?"

"I WAS GONNA ASK YOU THAT-"