Inside my world of monsters

Chapter four

Warning this chapter, as well as many of the flashbacks from here on, deal with sexual and emotional abuse. If that is a trigger to you, or you do not want to read then please skip this chapter and the italic flashbacks. Thank you(:

I brought the blanket like they asked me to. I was so glad I had friends here at the daycare. At least I had that while I was here. Ashley, one of the older girls, asked me to bring a blanket next time I came to daycare. Her and her sister, Hannah, had shown me their, what they called "boobs". They said I'd get them one day too. That I was little and they had to grow. I didn't really understand what they were talking about, but I listened.

I respected them and didn't want to disobey. I felt like it wouldn't be a good thing if I disobeyed. They also said not to tell anyone anything. I didn't understand why. We weren't doing anything wrong... were we? The whole thing confused me, but at least they were nice.

They had also asked me if I ever slept naked. And I had of course said no, I wore jammies like a normal little girl. Plus I shared a room with my sister. They said I should try it sometime, that they did it all the time. They told me sometimes they both sleep in Ashley's bed without clothes on. I didn't know why the were telling me these things.

They told me that they had to be quiet when they did that. They said if people knew they'd be in trouble.

It was movie time now and I grabbed my blanket. I walked over into the room and the girls smiled at me. They were really nice. I sat next to them, against the wall, and put my blanket over me. Ashley peeked under and told me to take off my clothes. This made me nervous because I didn't think you were supposed to do that around other people. Your body was yours.

But I trusted her judgement. So I listened.

She stared at me for awhile. And then told me to touch myself down there. This is where I used my little voice. I told her I didn't want to. And then she asked me if I ever wanted to have babies. I said yes. Then she said if I wanted to I had to know this. I had to do this. She told me that she did it too, because she wanted babies. Hannah did it too. That made it okay for me to do it. I mean I did want babies. And I wanted friends.

I didn't know any better. I touched them. It didn't do anything. Nothing changed. So I went on like this. Obeying them because they were my friends. Because we got along. Because I trusted them.

I trusted them to look after me here. I thought this was normal after the beginning. After the initial shock of what they had asked. After getting over this feeling that I should say no.

I never said no. Maybe I should've said no. But it wasn't wrong. was it?