It was different I guess you could say. I mean your first love versus any other love at any point are different. The difference here was it was real. It had never been real before then, and it scared the hell out of me to be honest. I was so...buried or I guess absorbed with myself. But not who I was, I was hiding from myself. It seemed to get worse when I had that moment of depression. Or maybe the depression started when everyone left me. They all left me for whatever reason, and I was really alone for the first time.
Maybe that's where the difference is. Maybe I realized how it was to be truly alone. To get to a point where you're forced to face yourself. If there's no one to hide behind, you face the mirrors.
And that's another thing, I wasn't insecure about my body. I mean sure I had days where I wished this was smaller, this was bigger, or this was gone. Overall, though, I was pretty happy with myself. I just hid from the scary things. My past, definitely my present as well. It was like I couldn't get away from the monster I was.
That's how I saw myself. I saw myself as this monster that was hiding under the bed waiting to come out. Waiting to scare the next kid to come crawl on their bed without checking first. I was even scared of myself. So when the mirror was in place and I had to face it, I broke.
I mean how the hell do you look at yourself when your terrified of the things you could become?
YOU ARE READING
Inside my world of monsters
RomansaNo matter how hard I tried I couldn't ignore the monsters. They followed, taunted, laughed and even scoffed as I tried to live my life. There was no more hiding. I didn't have anywhere or anyone to help. I had to face them. But you wouldn't believ...
