Inside my world of monsters

Chapter five

It was finally Friday and I was so glad. I was completely exhausted from this week, and I couldn't wait for it to end. Plus tonight I was going to Alex's house. That should help me keep my mind off of things. But I had to make it through last period first.

I groaned as I made my way toward the English room. I didn't have a problem with English, but at this point I just wanted to get out of here. I wasn't in the mood to talk about fiction. Or some author that was famous, but I'd never even heard of.

I wanted to go home for a moment and just breathe. Not let the anxiety get to me, or worry. I mean it was only Alex. But only Alex, was still someone you hardly knew.

Relax it's not like you'll ever let her in.

I sat absentmindedly through the class period. Not absorbing one word the teacher spoke. It went directly in and out of my ears. I tapped my pencil on my desk and looked up at the clock. Fifteen more minutes. That seemed like an eternity.

I pulled out my notebook and mindlessly doodled a flower on the paper. I started thinking. It started with me thinking I was insane, this new thought was tormenting me. Then it progressed to whether or not I was normal.

You don't want a boyfriend, you are the biggest nerd, you don't have friends, you don't talk to people, you're snarky, you stare, you never stay in this world. Wow are you even human?

Was I? I realize Alex was only teasing when she said that. The problem is, I'm not. I don't care about anything I do, or what people might think if they found out. Sure not caring about people's opinions is a good thing, but not necessarily when the things that have happened, have affected latter decisions in my life. Bad decisions, that could potentially compromise my future.

I came out of my thoughts with the shrill of the bell. I jumped and gathered my things up. I turned the volume all the way up on my iPod and made my way out to the buses.

I hated the bus. A bunch of rude people sat in the back and yelled at the top of their lungs, sometimes ridiculing others. That's the thing is I may have this I-don't-give-a-shit attitude, but I hate bullies.

There's no reason to treat someone like that just because you have a crap life. Lots of people have crap lives, and they figure out how to deal with it just fine. Why can't bullies? The whole subject irks me.

I would avoid the bus all together and just drive my car, but I have little gas money, and a crap job. I need to get a better job. Something that pays a little more. Speaking of money I need to run to the store and get some things before going to Alex's. Maybe I'll go get a smoothie too.

This is the reason I was broke. I was always buying food and random items that my mom wouldn't get me anymore because I had a job. The bus pulled up to my stop and I rushed home.

Everyone was still at work so I dropped my backpack off and left. I turned my music up in the car, not to be the jackass and let everyone at the stop sign know what song is on, but to drown out all my thoughts. It took about five minutes to get to the closest store, and I pulled into a fairly close spot. I walked in and wandered down the makeup aisle. I grabbed the cheapest eyeliner I could find along with mascara. I laughed, it was such a stupid thing, buying makeup. To think it was a necessity is ridiculous, and yet I did.

I thought if I didn't want to get ready, I still, at the very least, should put on eye makeup. No matter what. It was sorta ridiculous that that's the world we live in. I changed my mind on a smoothie and just grabbed a Dr. Pepper from the drink aisle.

I wasn't quite ready to go though, I told Alex four and it was barely three. I wandered around for a bit until I walked down my favorite area, books. Although, here there was very little selection. It took me moments before I decided to go to Barnes and Noble, it was only down the street. I bought my small items of makeup and shoved them in my purse.

I decided to walk, I could use the exercise, and I had time. I made my way down the some-what busy street and went into to the best place on earth. As I walked through the doors I took a deep breath in and smiled; books and coffee, the smell of true love.

Knowing this place like the back of my hand, I marched straight to the young adult section. What am I in the mood to wish I have? Some fantasy, romance, suspense? I stood and scanned the titles and covers, waiting for one to catch my eye.

"I like this one. Although I don't know what you're into so I might not be helpful." I turned to find myself next to a very handsome, well I'll just say it, hot guy. He smiled at me and held the book out.

"Uh..yeah?" suddenly I became nervous. How does one act around the male species?

"I'm Josh. I don't work here, but man that'd be the dream. I just spend pretty much every moment I can around books." he saved it. He saved the terribly awkward moment I had just tried to create.