Valentine (troyler AU)

Chapter Eight

Troye's pov.

I lost track of time. Who knows how long it’s been? Sure I could open my eyes and look at the clock, but what if it’s only been a minute? What if I’ve been sitting here with my heart ripping into shreds (and why was it doing that anyway?) and I found out that only a minute had passed? I don’t think I could stand knowing that I had to live through that for six more minutes. But what if five minutes had gone past? Imagine all the things they could’ve done in five minutes, they could be doing something right now. I pressed my lips together, repressing the odd urge to whimper.

What was that anyway? Why was I feeling personally offended that two of my friends were kissing each other? I loved them both, and I trusted them both. If they were going out I would be happy for them. Or at least, I should be. Why was I feeling this way?

You know why, whispered a voice in the back of my mind.

No, no, shh. I replied to it. I don’t know why, and neither do you. It occurred to me that I was literally talking to myself in my head, so I shut up. I had a feeling that I might know why I was feeling this way. I also knew exactly what I was feeling, although I didn’t want to admit it. I was not feeling jealous, okay? And I didn’t have “feelings” for Tyler.

He’s just my best friend, I’m feeling protective over him, as any normal person would be. I assured myself, and then I pushed the thoughts far from my mind.

Suddenly I realized that any of my friends could have diverted their gaze from the closet and seen me. They would’ve seen me with my eyes squeezed shut and my hands clenched into fists against my legs, like that isn’t suspicious! I prepared myself for opening my eyes, counting down from ten in my head. At zero, I would open my eyes and face the consequences.

Ten. I could do this. It’s not like any one would judge me. We’re all friends. They probably didn’t even see me closing my eyes.

Nine. And even if they did, they probably wouldn’t realize why I looked like I was in pain.

Eight. For all they knew, I was about to throw up from drinking too much.

Seven. Oh god, I think I’m going to throw up! How much did I drink?

Six. Could I do this?

Five. How long have they been in there?

Four. I tried to ignore the way my lip shook.

Three. Oh god, I can’t do this, I can’t do this, I can’t-

“Times up!” Joe shouted, and giggling emitted five lips. My eyes flew open and I tried to look casual. What even was casual? Should I lean back? Do I sit up straight? What should I do with my hands?

I put my hands behind my head before deciding that looked extra not casual. I ended up just putting them back in my lap, whacking on a shaking smile right as they opened the door. I averted my eyes, not wanting to see the looks on their faces, the swollenness of their lips.

As I turned to the side I made eye contact with Dan and I had a feeling this wasn’t the first time he’d looked at me. Had he seen my little mental break down when Tyler had gone in the closet? Had he seen the whole time?

Our friends cheered for Tyler and Phil, everyone except Dan and I. He looked at me with sympathy in his eyes, as well as a sort of understanding. Suddenly I wondered if only four of my friends had giggled and cheered when the time was up, and if Dan was only looking at me so he didn’t have to look at them.

MY FUCKING GOD IF DAN HAS A CRUSH ON TYLER TOO-

“Hello!” Tyler giggled, and the cushion I was sat on dipped. Dan and I quickly looked away from each other.