American girl [H.S.]

Chapter 48 - Man milkers

It's only been a week. It's only been a week of me and Harry having hanky panky time every time I felt like I was going to breakdown.

Which was a lot.

This is very unhealthy for my mental state, but my physical state...she's thriving.

I'm pretty sure I've lost like 5 pounds this week.

I've tried to completely block out any thoughts of Conner and my family because it's too much for me. I know if I finally give in I'll breakdown and I don't want to do that. It's probably worse to keep pushing it down, but I'll deal with consequences later because I'm way to drained for this shit.

"Emma." Harry whispers.

Right now we were spooning. I'm the big spoon, per usually. Since we've been doing the nasty multiple times a day, I just give up on trying to get back to my room so I stay with Harry.

Also most of the time I physically cannot get back to my room.

"Yeah?" I whisper back, my left leg thrown over his hip and my left arm wrapped around his chest.

"Are you okay?" He asks.

"Yeah, why?" I ask.

"You've been aggressively breathing down my neck for the past five minutes." He says.

"Sorry." I mumble, moving off of him so i'm not cuddling him anymore.

He whines at the loss of my cuddles and turns around so he's facing me, his eyebrows furrowed showing his little crease between his brows.

"What's wrong?" He asked, softly.

"'M just thinking." I shrug.

"About?" He pushes.

"Everything. But I don't want to think so.." I try to go into kiss him but he pinches my lips between his pointer and thumb, making me furrow my eyebrows.

"Emma, we're talking now. You need to at least get some weight off your shoulders. Then we can fuck as much as you want." He says sternly, releasing my lips.

I groan, rolling on my back and staring up at the ceiling while Harry waits for me to speak.

Why does he have to be right, god it's annoying.

"I just- I feel awful." I say, sighing and putting my head in my hands.

"Why?" He asks.

"I messed up, Harry. I hurt Conner. Now here I am in bed with you right after the break up. I'm an awful person." I say, chewing on my cheek and glancing over to see Harry looking down between us and thinking.

"I know how you feel, Emma. We both messed up. I was a part of that. You're not a terrible person, though. You made a mistake. The fact that you can recognize and feel guilty is what proves you're a good person who just did something stupid. A bad person wouldn't care." He says.

"That the thing, even when we broke up I wasn't that sad about, I was just upset that I hurt him." I admit.

"That's just because you didn't love him." He whispers, his fingers tracing up and down my stomach making me shiver.

"That's what made me hurt him." I reply, still staring at the ceiling.

"It's not your fault you didn't love him, Emma. He was going to get hurt no matter what." He says.

"It shouldn't have gone down that way. Things could have gone down easier." I shake my head.

"Maybe. It doesn't change the fact you're not a bad person, you just did a bad thing." He says.