American girl [H.S.]

Chapter 74 - Love song

*tw: talk of depression*

I'm not sure if you guys can see the song I attached or not, but the song in this chapter is called Love song by Lana del Rey.

I lied it's a triple update. Make sure to read the two others before this!!

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"I would love if you could come." Harry says.

"I don't think I want to Harry. Just ask Gemma." I tell him, watching him frown at my words.

Harry wants me to go to the Brit awards with him, but I really can't find it in me to go. I know I wrote the album too and that I should be there, but I just don't have the energy.

I've never had energy for anything anymore.

"Okay." He nods, before walking out of the door, leaving me alone in the room.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I've been trying so hard to be happy, but ever since my mom died it hasn't been the same.

Harry's been supporting me through it all, always by my side through it all and has never once complained about me being closed off and distant.

He's trying so hard to be there for me and I just can't handle dragging him along in my awful mess of life.

I've been going to therapy, I've been taking antidepressants. I've been trying everything to try to get myself better, but I can't.

It's like it was all piled on top of me and I didn't even have time to process everything that has happened these past two years. Then my mom dying just made everything shatter on top of me.

And now...I'm depressed.

I hate it. I hate it so much. Not only am I affecting Harry, but I'm affecting Styles, Carl, and Quinn.

They've noticed the change and it hurts because I can't do anything about it. Every time I try to fake a smile, Harry can see right through.

I've tried to be my old self. Make jokes or do some impulsive shit, but it never works. I cant find the energy to do it and when I try it's never the same. Harry can see, and I can see.

It's been months of this and I hate it. I want everything to go back to normal. I want my mom. I want my old self. And I want to be better for Harry.

"I'm going now. My plane leaves soon." He says, coming back in to grab his suitcase.

"Okay." I nod.

"I love you." He says, kissing me in the forehead.

"Love you." I murmur and he nods with a sad smile before walking out.

I want to cry after that, but I can't even find it in myself to do that because of these fucking antidepressants.

I can't even attend an awards show with my boyfriend because I 'don't have the energy too.'

What is wrong with me?

I sigh, calling Joey. I pick up the phone hearing it ring a few times before he picks up.

"Hey, Em. What's up?" He asks.

"I was wondering if I could stay at your place for a little while. Until I find a place of my own." I say.

"Why? What's happening with you and Harry?" He asks.

"It's a lot to explain right now. Can I?" I ask.

"Of course, but you're going to explain when I pick you up." He says before hanging up.

I start to pack up all my stuff into my suitcases, trying to focus on that instead of all the voices in my head telling me how much of a bad idea this is.