Can't Live Without You (Killugon Angst)

Despair x And x Rage

Note: tysm for 200 reads(or at least it said when I started writing this chapter) and I'm really sorry for not updating in a LONG time 😣I was really busy with school and I've been kind of depressed these weeks- school has been stressful, so thank you for all of the support on this story! 🥺
       Gon's POV
         The sun is shining in my eyes. When I shield my face with my hand, I see where I am. I'm in a grassy field. On a picnic blanket. With Killua.
"Hey Gon, do you want the turkey sandwich or the roast pork sandwich?" He's rummaging through a basket. I throw my arms around him and cry. "What the heck? Gon, are you okay?"
"Killua! It's you!"
"Baka, what do you mean? Of course it's me!"
"B-but-" I'm interrupted by Killua.
"What sandwich do you want?"
"Killua..."
"What?"
"Why did you leave?" I look down. The field flickers to his hotel room and I see Killua lying in his blood again. My hands covered in it. "Why did you leave me Killua?" The field returned.
"When did I leave you? I'm right here!" Killua's laughing. "I would never leave you!"
I get vertigo. The world spins around and around, until it's gone. Everything is pitch black.
I open my eyes. The room is bright and fuzzy. Then it clears. I'm in a hospital bed. I try to get up, but my body feels heavy. Where did Killua go? Oh. It was a dream. The door creaks open. It's Leorio.
"Hi." I start the conversation.
"Hey." He responds gloomily. "Guys! He's awake!" Kurapika, Wing-San, Zushi, Bisky, and Ikalgo walk into the room. It's cramped. Kurapika's eyes look scarlet, but they're just bloodshot. And puffy. Wing-San looks exhausted. Zushi looks like he's on the verge of tears. Bisky looks gloomy. And Ikalgo is crying.
"Hey guys." My throat is scratchy still. Kurapika clears his throat.
"Actually guys, can you leave Gon and I alone for a bit?" They nod and leave. Even Leorio doesn't complain. "Gon. How are you feeling?"
"Weirdly sleepy." It's true. My eyelids are heavy, and it's hard to stay awake.
"That would be the anesthesia."
"Where's Killua?" Kurapika flinches, like he was trying to avoid hearing his name.
"Um... well... the doctors restarted his heart."
"What happened next?"
"T-they gave him blood, since he lost a lot of it."
"Is he okay?"
"T-the doctors said that h-his b-b-body r-rejected i-it."
"What does that mean?" Kurapika's trying not to cry.
"H-he d-d-didn't s-survive t-t-the o-operation."
"What?" He's stuttering too hard, I couldn't understand. He's crying now.
"K-Killua, h-he's... dead. H-he lost t-too much b-blood."
He's gone. Killua's dead. Number 99, ex-assassin, Heaven's Arena 200th floor competitor, transmuter, Greed Island Winner, Pro Hunter, Chimera Ant Exterminator. My best friend. Killua Zoldyck.

~~~The Day of Killua's Funeral~~~
(3 days later)

        It's raining today. We're at the same church where we held Alluka's funeral. Same graveyard. Same people. We didn't invite his family. After all, the only person of his family that he loved is dead. Killua's dressed in his white shirt with the blue sleeves. They even stitched up the cut on his neck. They bury him next to Alluka. Kurapika and I were leaving. Then we saw him.
"Oh, Killua killed himself? That's too bad. He had great potential." I'm about to attack him when Kurapika responds.
"Fuck off, Illumi." But he doesn't even look offended.
He looks down at me. "I would ask why he killed himself, but, I already know." Even if I don't have my Nen, I'm going to kill him. He leans down and whispers in my ear. "I warned him that assassins can't have friends. They always end up killing the other." Kurapika's chains appear. I motion for him to stop. This is my fight. "You killed him. People have been telling you, that it's not your fault, but you know that's it's true. You broke Killua's heart. He would never have forgiven you anyway. You were never really his friend."
"Shut the fuck up."
"Ooh. Very scary. But you're incredibly weak without your Nen."
"I said, shut the fuck up." My fist starts to tingle. It's a familiar feeling. Even though I don't have Nen, I still want to try it. I glance at Kurapika. He nods.
"Jan..." Illumi isn't fazed. He smirks at me.
"Ken..." The tingling in my fist grows, and I feel a burning sensation. A flash of fear in black eyes. Illumi takes a step backwards. Maybe he felt my bloodlust.
"Ku!" It works. I punch Illumi in the gut. He flies into the wall, which crumbles and collapses on top of him. The wreckage starts to burn. He's dead. And he deserved it.

Kurapika's POV ( why not)
I don't think Gon realized how strong his Nen was. He not only killed Illumi with one punch, but his bloodlust enveloped is all. He was in the middle of a fiery inferno. Killua had described Jajanken to me before, but he didn't say it was this strong. Maybe he didn't know. Gon ran out of the church soon after. Bisky and I are putting out a couple of the small fires that sprung up. Leorio and Mito are talking to the police that arrived. Knuckle and Morel are cleaning up debris. I'm getting more water when someone puts a hand on my shoulder. It's Melody.
"Kurapika. I think you should go look for Gon. We have this under control." I nod and run out into the rain, looking for Gon. Where is he?
I've made it to the Hotel Beitacle. I ask the receptionist, and she says that she hasn't seen him. The park. Empty. The airport. Not there. I've been running around Yorknew City for an hour. I'm tired. Tired of running. Tired of death. Tired of life.
But I can't escape. If I killed myself Gon would only have Leorio. I shudder at the thought. But I keep shivering. The wind is cold, and I'm absolutely drenched from the rain. Who am I kidding? How am I gonna find him in this huge city? Not only that, if he's trying to not be found, it's impossible to locate him. I'll just head back and help with cleanup. He'll come around. Probably. Hopefully.

Note: I'm really sorry for not updating in a while, but thank you so much for your support (especially you cfairy I love your videos this is an honor)! I'm also sorry for the fact that these past few chapters writing has been fast paced and really bad. This is my first fanfiction and I'm just learning how to be a better author in school so... yeah this chapter kinda sucked in my opinion. I'll try to get a more normal updating schedule but I usually do it depending on my mood- sometimes I'll update 3 chapters in a couple days, and sometimes I have no motivation. Please bear with me! Love y'all, stay safe, and don't get COVID!