Can't Live Without You (Killugon Angst)

Disappearances x And x Funerals

      Dedicated to @RAYZEL_LUOCHAN
Thank you for being supportive of this story you're the first person to comment on this and it means so much to me. I can't express how happy I am even through the amount of emojis Gon uses. Thank you.
Gon's POV
          Alluka Zoldyck died at 6:24 pm. It's 9:57am. Killua's nowhere to be found. I've contacted Kurapika and Leorio about her funeral. Kurapika never met Alluka, but, I hope he still comes. Leorio, Ikalgo, Palm, Morel, Shoot, Knuckle, Meleoreon, Melody, Wing-San, Zushi, Bisky, Knov, and Aunt Mito are all definitely coming. I didn't invite Killua's family. I didn't tell them about her death at all. They wouldn't even care. They'd probably be happy.
           I've texted Killua several times already, but he hasn't replied. He's left them on read. I don't blame him. The pain I'm feeling is nothing compared to his. He took her notebook with him. He left the drawings behind. I've been waiting for him at the hotel. I don't even know if he's healed yet...

~~~Flashback~~~

      Killua and Gon had just ran back up the stairs to get a drawing of themselves. Gon was talking to Alluka when they realized that she was burning up. Her face was sweaty and her hands were clenched. The machines in the room started emitting warning signals. Gon ran outside to get the doctor. They came thundering back in, with a bunch of nurses. Killua was holding her hand and crying, his tears dripping onto her blanket. The doctor pushed him back. He started to scream. "NO! ALLUKA! NO! PLEASE!" He tried to get back to his sister, but the doctor wouldn't let him.
"She's too fragile!"
"I DON'T GIVE A FUCK THATS MY SISTER AND SHES DYING!" A nurse tried to hold him back, but he easily wrenched free of her grip. Gon rushed forward and held Killua tight. "LET GO OF ME!" He subconsciously sharpened his nails. He slashed blindly at Gon. He dodged, but Killua had been trained for years to be an assassin. He expected the move and his hand was aimed towards Gon's heart. Gon evaded just in time, and Killua slashed his shoulder instead. Autopilot took over and Gon sweeped his leg out from under him. Realized what he'd done, he caught him just in time, before Killua's head hit the concrete floor. He was still thrashing, and he fell onto the floor with a crack. His arm was bent underneath him, at an angle that wasn't normal. He was unconscious. Gon covered his mouth and sank to his knees, starting to cry. Adding to the chaos, the heart monitor started to rapidly beep. The nurses were rushing around, with 2 of them looking at Killua and Gon's injuries. Until everyone froze, listening to the monotone bleeeeeeep that was emitted from the machine around them. Alluka was gone.

~~~End Of Flashback~~~

My phone buzzed. It was Kurapika.

Hey Gon. Sorry I missed
your call. I'm sorry about
Killua's sister. I'll be there
for the funeral.

Okay. Killua still hasn't
come back yet.

Give him time. He just
lost the one family member
he cares about. It's
only been around 16 hours.

Okay.

I'm arriving a day before
the funeral. If he hasn't
come back by then I'll
using Dowsing Chain.

Okay.

I turned my phone off and lay down on my bed. I can't cry. I just feel... hollow.

~~~The Day of Alluka's Funeral~~~

Killua's POV
Alluka's funeral is today. I know that because of Gon'a texts and voicemails. I know that Leorio, Kurapika, Ikalgo, Palm, Knuckle, Morel, Shoot, Knov, Meleoreon, Melody, Bisky, Zushi, Wing-San, and Aunt Mito are coming. I'm glad. He didn't invite my family. They would've been happy to hear that. I'm gonna go to her funeral. It's the least I can do. I not only failed to keep her alive but I also was knocked unconscious for the moment of her death. I don't deserve to be called her brother. My phone rings, interrupting my thoughts. I don't answer. Voicemail comes up. "Hey Killua." It isn't Gon like usual. It's Leorio. "Everyone's here and we're starting in an hour. It's at the church by your hotel. We're not expecting you to make a speech or anything. If you want to sure. Just... please come. Gon's really worried. We all are." I pull out messages. Gon. I'll be there.
Godspeed on. I know where the church is. I get there in 30 minutes, even in Godspeed. I had to get far away so Kurapika's Dowsing Chain wouldn't work. I consider entering through the front door. No. I don't want everyone looking at me, although they probably will anyway. The back doors fine.
They creak open. It's loud, and I cringe. Everyone stares at me. I probably look like a mess. After all I've been sleeping in a tree. Until Ikalgo breaks the silence and walks over to me and hugs me. His tentacles are sticky.
"I'm so sorry." Once he lets go I walk to a pew. I sit down and Gon sits next to me. Kurapika joins him. It's silent. Until the coffin is brought in. It's made of a dark red wood with black flowers carved into it. Something breaks inside of me. I can feel tears dripping onto my shirt. Gon cries too. The rest of the funeral is A blur. Until they ask if any family members want to say something. Leorio said I didn't have to say anything. So I won't. But I feel myself standing up. I walk over to the podium. What am I doing? By the time I stop myself I'm already tapping the microphone. Shit. I can't back out now. Might as well make a speech.
"Um.. hi? So yea for those of you who don't know I'm Killua Zoldyck, and Alluka was my sister. Um- she was a really nice kid. She had this power that I wasn't supposed to tell anyone but fuck that stupid rule. There was this spirit named Nanika and she also inhabited Alluka's body. Alluka would make requests and if you fulfilled 3 of them Nanika would grant you a wish. The bigger the wish, the bigger the next requests. If you fail or refuse 4 requests, you, the person you love most, and the people you've spent the most time with die." Everyone looks surprised, scared even, when I say this. Except for Gon. "So my family locked her up in a room because they were afraid of Nanika and they thought her power could destroy the Zoldyck Family. It could. And I got her out. And because of that, she's dead. It's my fault. An-and i'm s-sorry A-al-luka." I'm biting my lip so hard it's bleeding. Tears are dripping down my face onto the wood floor. "But in those couple months where she wasn't locked up we went sightseeing. She was so kind and she always put my needs and everyone else's needs before hers. Th-that's how she c-caught the c-c-cold that triggered t-the g-genshiarosis. She was patient and the best sister anyone could have." Not like I deserved her. It's quiet after my speech. I sit back down.

         The funerals done. I'm about to go back to the hotel when Gon stops me. I look at him, surprised.
"You left too soon. I wasn't able to give this to you." He hands me Alluka's notebook. Do not open until after funeral. Give this to Oni-Chan.     "She was holding this when she... died." I grab the notebook and walk over to an empty bench in the graveyard. I flip through the pages. It's mostly empty, with little sketches of me in the corners. There's a couple of Gon too. I get to the last page. The handwriting is shaky. I know you aren't the best at figuring out your feelings. I'm not though. I wasn't trained to be an assassin. Even from when I first healed Gon I could tell. You love him. You might not know this. But I do. Once I'm gone, I think you should confess. I think you'll be happier with him. I feel like I'm about to cry but no tears come. There's a little drawing at the bottom. Of Alluka. It's a self portrait. With one sentence. I love you.