Take Me To Your Heart

A Proposal of Sorts

I'm shaking as I walk out of the restaurant, leaving my years of hard work behind.

Zeynep insists on taking me out to get some pick me up food after the whole ordeal. I acquiesce, needing some fries and a distraction.

I'm in a daze as we drive to the diner down the street. The memories of the past few minutes refuse to leave me. I have never made such a huge scene in my life. Not even close. But, I'm grateful to have Zeynep here. If anyone knows how hard I have worked – and what I just threw away – it's her.

When we arrive, Zeynep leads me to the diner counter to place our order. Ferit is standing behind us, holding a sleeping Bulut. The poor baby fell asleep in the car after all the commotion and confusion.

While Zeynep is relaying our order to the cashier, I send a quick text to Yasmin letting her know I am okay and text Ozan to meet me at my place later. I presume my use of emojis will prompt him to bring the correct amount of alcohol.

We settle into a booth to wait for our food, the red vinyl seats hissing as I scooch in. Ferit slides in next to me, Bulut on his lap. His little body is slumped so adorably against his uncle that I cannot help but smile. Zeynep and Amir take their seats across the table.

"Sejal, I am so sorry" Zeynep begins, her guilt clear in her eyes. "We shouldn't have let Bulut—"

"No, it wasn't Bulut's fault," I insist. "This has been a long time coming." The waiter brings over our food, briefly pausing the conversation. I immediately stuff a few fries in my mouth.

"What do you mean?" Zeynep prompts. I let out a long sigh before launching into my explanation of the ongoing fights with my boss, the pattern of micromanagement, and occasional straight misogyny. The emotion of being dismissed and treated as incompetent threatens to bubble up, but I try to control my tears, not wanting to be so vulnerable in this crowd.

I can feel Ferit's gaze on me as he listens quietly, but I refuse to look his way. I've always looked forward to my sporadic glimpses of him over the years, doing my best to cultivate a certain confident, breezy, flirty air. I try not to think about how all of that has been ruined by my shrieking meltdown.

But, he is just Zeynep's brother, I remind myself. He was never a viable option for a casual fling. His opinion of me doesn't matter.

When I've finished my monologue, Zeynep regards me carefully, clearly ready to begin giving me advice, but torn as to where to start. "Sejal, I am so grateful to you for defending Bulut."

I wave my hand dismissively at her gratitude. Of course, I was going to defend that sweet angel.

"Really, Sejal. Thank you." Ferit adds, speaking for the first time since we left the restaurant. I finally glance at him and am touched by the sincerity in his eyes. He seems genuinely moved that I care so much about his nephew. I suppose to someone who has not seen me with Bulut much, this could be a shock. But Zeynep knows I consider Bulut to be family.

"Have you thought more about finally opening your own place, Sejal?" Zeynep has been asking me this for years, confused as to why I have been so risk averse when I am clearly capable of running the kitchen of a successful restaurant. She doesn't understand the burden I feel to be financially secure for my sister ever since the loss of our parents left us in years of tumult. Of course, my sister is grown now and has a sufficient inheritance. But, I'm still the sole provider while she pursues her doctorate. Starting my own business feels like too large a gamble.

I don't tell her any of this, though. I provide her with a different excuse. "I would love to Zeynep. But I just don't have the capital to do something like that on my own." Before Zeynep can chime in to offer her riches, I continue, "And I would want to do this on my own or with a business partner I can trust. I can't have friends betting their money on me." Zeynep sighs, admitting defeat for the moment. But, I can sense her plotting her strategy to get me to agree.