Take Me To Your Heart

The Morning After

I wake up a few hours later, completely disoriented. I find that I am laying on someone's lap with fingers stroking through my hair. It takes a moment, but memories rush back and I immediately straighten. Ferit looks at me, his eyes bloodshot. I guess he didn't sleep at all.

I roll my neck, trying to get the kinks out. I can feel Ferit's eyes on me. "Morning." I whisper to him, remembering to remain quiet to avoid waking Bulut.

"Good morning." He says, turning away from me. He's playing with his fingers in his lap, but there no other outward signs of his agitation. Still, I can sense his unrest.

"Did you sleep at all?" I ask him softly, concerned. He shakes his head. I let out a small sigh. This is going to be a horrible day and on top of that he is going to be exhausted.

Bulut rolls around in his sleep and starts to show signs of consciousness. I turn to look at him, my breath caught in my throat. Ferit stands and moves to sit on the bed next to him.

I'm torn between wanting to be here in case they need me and wanting to give Ferit the space to have this moment alone. As if he can feel my internal debate, he gestures for me to remain where I am. I comply, sitting on the floor, silently as Ferit gently awakens Bulut.

He strokes Bulut's hair, his fingers threading gently through Bulut's overflowing curls. Bulut sighs, content, and eventually opens his eyes. "Dayı?" he says in confusion. "What are you doing here?" he asks, excited to see Ferit. I can't help but smile at the innocence and happiness in his voice even as my heart clenches, knowing it will soon be quashed.

He hasn't yet realized where he is.

"I have something to tell you, aslan benim." My lion. Ferit kneels on the floor so he can look Bulut in the eyes. He takes a deep sigh before beginning. "Your parents were very hurt on their way home to you last night. Baby...they died." He tells Bulut, unable to keep his voice from breaking.

After a few moments of shock and confusion, Bulut starts wailing. Ferit does his best to calm him, stroking his hair and trying to pull him into his arms, but Bulut resists unable to handle what is happening.

"What?" he keeps screaming, waiting for one of us to tell him this isn't true. "I will never see them again?" he shrieks, inconsolable.

Ferit manages to get a firm grip on him and lifts him up into his arms, holding the baby tight while he has a meltdown. Bulut is desperate to fight something, anything, kicking his little arms and legs and pleading with us to say that he can see his parents again.

Ferit's eyes meet mine, the anguish so evident my heart stops. I'm desperately fighting tears of my own, trying to maintain my composure so I can be of help. Eventually Bulut stops fighting his uncle and latches on to him for dear life. The two of them stay locked together as Bulut continues crying, exhausting himself into becoming more calm.

Ferit is doing his best to reassure him that everything will be okay, that he will be loved and looked after, that Zeynep and Amir are always with us even if we cannot see them. He sits back down on the bed, holding Bulut against his chest, repeating these soothing words over and over.

I take a seat next to Ferit and gently rub Bulut's arm, letting him know I am here too. He turns his head to investigate the new touch and starts crying loudly again at the sight of me. "Sejal Auntie!" he wails reaching his arms out to me. Ferit passes my sweet baby boy over to me, acceding to Bulut's demand for my comfort. His tiny arms wrap around my neck as he hugs me tightly, both of us crying together for long minutes. I pull him closer, wishing so desperately I could bring his parents back, bring my friends back.

Eventually, Bulut completely tires himself out and falls asleep in my arms. Ferit takes him from me and we both go downstairs with Bulut resting against Ferit's chest. When he wakes up again, we want him to be close to us.