when i was your man

nightly haunts

October 11th, 2017

(Louis pov)

It was one of these nights again.

I looked at the walls of my room. Everywhere were pictures with friends and family. Loved ones. I looked through every picture. The first one I looked at was the one with my mother Jay. I was sitting in her lap on a bench in the zoo. This day will always stay in my mind. It was the first time I could see a real lion. My mother and I drove through whole england, just so I can see this one lion. Everytime I look at the picture I can hear the voice of her that I just miss so much. "Louis, look. There's the lion we looked for. How does it sound?" "Raaawwrrrr" The day she passed away was the worst day of my life. Every light in my life went out. Even the sun. Two whole weeks I just sat in my room, staring at the picture. My eyes didn't stop to let go tears. I was drowning in tears and thoughts. Not only I sat in the room and shut my social life down for this time, I also lost so much weight. You could see every bone. My cheekbones were sharp like raisorblades. I felt like I could break with every move I made. Only because of the therapie I go out of my house. Twenty friends turned to two. Everyone I thought I could trust, left within a single clap. Niall and Liam are the only ones left.

The second picture my eyes slided to, was one with my sisters. I have four. Each one is so fun. They help me through everything and are there for me in every situation. I trust them more than myself. We laugh, we cry, we go through everything. But we do it together. These four were the ones that lit up the lights in my life. Only because of them the sun shines again. "Louis! Give it back to me!" "No first I need to look at who you're texting... Wait. NIALL? Why him? Liam would've been much better." I couldn't stop laugh-crying. "You're an arse. Niall is cute. Just give it back now or I'm gonna tell Feli-..." I put my hand on her mouth. "Tell me what? Louis, what did you do now?" Obviously she heard us. "Oh, nothing. She talks shit. Don't listen to whatever she is saying."

At the third one I actually tried not to stop, but I couldn't let go my eyes of it. It was me with this big ball of sunshine in my arms. The big ball of sunshine, I just losed. It was Hazza, my Hazza. Well, he was mine. I felt how my body went cold. My whole skin was only covered in goosebumps. The tears, I couldn't control the anymore. They just rolled down. My heart felt so dark and lonely. Every little memory came up within seconds. When I looked at my hands, I realised how hard I shivered. I just miss and love him so much. And I lost him to this douchebad Josh. And what makes it even worse, is that I left him because I thought he liked Josh and now they are dating. Everyday the thought of me being right with Harry liking him crawls up my whole body. "You know what, Louis? I'm done with this shit! Why would you ever think I would like another boy, even if I'm with you? This is just full of shit! You don't even trust me, how could our realtionship work then? I'm going!" "Harry-..." I could hear how the door fell into the lock. "...please don't leave me. I need you..." I whispered with the hope he could somehow hear me. And now six months later they are dating. I knew I was right. I could feel that his stares weren't the same anymore. Whenever he looked at me, my heart warmed up and I could see this sparkle in his eyes. But one day, he lost the sparkle. My heart never felt warm again. Only the cold wandered through my body.

I cried for several hours. I could hear the alarm of my dad ringing, when I was falling into sleep. Even on Saturdays, he has to go out early. My eyes were swollen and heavy and it felt like I could go blind every second. My heart just stopped aching. Not a new feeling.

In my dream there was always this light. It came closer and closer and just covered my whole body. When I woke up I felt the warmth next to me. The body I got used to have right next to me was laying there. The curls all over his face, covering his beautiful green eyes. I could only hear him breathing. The warm breath touched my skin and my whole body felt numb. Butterflies in my tummy started to have a fight and my heart got covered in warm blankets. It was this beautiful feeling of having your soulmate, the love of your life you thought you'd never find, next to you.

Then I woke up. Empty, cold and full of tears. I should never have let my Hazza become his.

(Harry's pov)

It felt like I was laying next to a doll. You like it, but it feels wrong. I tried to go to sleep, but my eyes just stayed open. I just couldn't close them. The feeling of being in another room was keeping me awake. I thought maybe Josh dreamed about us being somewhere else and my ghost just left my body to visit this place. But somehow it felt like I was wrong. As if someone else was just dreaming about me.

I got really bored, so I snaped my phone from the nighttable and unlocked it. I was opening social media when I saw this post. It was Nialls account. The picture was him with two friends. One on the left, one on the right and Niall right in the middle. Everyone held a beer in their hands and all three looked very drunk. The one on the right just stole my attention. It was him. The one I thought I would always have by my side, but now there's Josh. A whole different person. It felt really wrong to look at Louis. He had this thing in his eyes, I will always remember.

"Why aren't you sleeping, babe?" I nearly jumped out of the bed, because he scared me that much. I closed the screen of my phone as fast as I could, so he couldn't see, what I saw.

"I'm just not tired." I said bluntly. I really wasn't about starting a fight right now. It always ends with one sleeping on the couch pr leaving the house. When I was fighting with Louis, two minutes later we were already cuddled up again. Me in his arms and his hands in my hair. He always gave my curls kisses, because he loved them so much. No, the thoughts are wrong. I have a boyfriend and I shouldn't think of any other man right now. Just Josh.

"Who were you looking at?"

"No one, just scrolling through instagram."

"I know you were looking at him. I saw the picture. I'm not dumb." He said with a disapointed voice.

"No, I didn't I-..."

"I'm not fucking dumb! You are lying! Why can't you just forget him?" His voice raised.

"I already forgot him, don't worry." I felt so small right now.

"Let him go! He is an arse! You never deserved a mental wreck like him! His life is so depressing, oh my lord!"

"Maybe I don't want to forget him! You thought about that? This is so wrong. I need fresh air now." I already began to sit up so I could get out of his bed.

"You stay right here! If I would let you go now, you would just go to him and fuck him!" He lowered his voice. "I don't want to lose you, angel. Come, let's go to sleep. I love you." He tried to give me a kiss on my forhead but I backed away from him.

"I'm going outside. I fucking need fresh air. You make my head hurt." And there it was. This time I was the one leaving the house.

I just wanted to escape this house. It made me feel so wrong right now. I put on my shoes and a thick jacket and got out of the house. I just walked and walked. I followed the way, my heart decided, without knowing where. Until I stood infront of a big wooden door. I just didn't really think anymore and knocked. Two minutes later I could hear loud footsteps coming up to the door. As the door opened, I just realised who it was.

"Harry? What are you doing here? Go back to your boyfriend. " I could hear how hurted he was. His voice sounded broken and sad.

"I can't do it anymore. Everything is so wrong. I don't want him." I said and kissed Louis. It feels like our lips are made for eachother. They match like a pair of shoes. I really missed him. I wanted to stay like this forever. His head in my hands and his hands on my hips. Lips on lips, perfectly matching.

---

This is my first chapter. I really hope it's not that bad and if there is something you would like to happen next, tell me. I would like to get inspirations, so I don't have to worry, that it could be boring. The parts were it is cursiv are memories of their past.

Lots of love, xoxo

M.M.