when i was your man

heartbreaks and feelings

January 15th, 2012

(Louis' pov)

I was speechless. He came in, screamed at me, ran out and did't even explain what I did wrong. The door slapped and I just stood there. No emotions, just numbness. After minutes of staring at the closed door I broke down on the floor. My head buried in my hands and my knees on the floor. I knew I just lost him. Obviously we fought before, but never like this. Actually we didn't even fight this time, it was more like him being angry sad at me, out of nowhere.

After calming down a bit, I tried to call Niall. He was my only hope right now. I could always trust him and he would always help me. "Louis? What's up, dude?" He said with a happy voice. "Can you come over?" I sobbed in between the words. "Of course. Should I bring something?" "No, well yes. Brownies, please." I knew he would drive by the bakery. "Ok. See ya!" He said and hung up.

While I was waiting I was checking my phone. Maybe Harry texted me or tried to call or something. Or maybe I just hoped he did. I was looking thorugh our whole chat, from the beginning 'til the end. Every word I read made a new tear fall down. His first 'I love you' over text or 'I miss you, Lou'. Everything felt fake and wrong. It felt like it should not be there. He just left me, without an explanation. Maybe he wants me to ask him? Maybe I should call him or maybe I-

A loud knocking on my frontdoor was heard. "Nialler, thank you." I said with my voice trembling. I just pulled him in a hug, so tight as if I would fall if I'd let him go. And I actually did. I broke down infront of him, screaming 'Harry, my Hazza' until my voice gave up and Niall sat down next to me on the floor and just pulled me into his arms. "Louis, what happened? You need to tell me, now." My face was pressed into his chest. A small sobb came out of my mouth before I told him. "He left me. He just left me. He broke up. He didn't tell me why. He said I was a liar. What did I do? What?" My face looking down on the floor. "You didn't do anything, did you?" He asked with a confused voice. What did he think I would've done? "No, that's the point. The whole last weeks we spent together. Every minute. I only went out to go grocery shopping, not more." In between my voice some sobbs and sniffs. Tears still rolling down my cheeks, like they never wanted to stop. He put his hand inhis sleeve and wiping my tears away. "Don't worry Lou, if he really loves you, he'll come back. He had no point in breaking up with you. And don't think he doesn't love you, cause I know that you two are soulmates, so he's gonna come back. Just wait." His voice was soft and calming. How do I deserve him as my best friend?

After minutes of him just hugging me tight and me sobbing into his shoulder, we sat down infront of the tv and began to eat the brownies. He always gets the ones from my favorite bakery one or two blocks away from his home. Everytime I sleep over he wakes me up with them, cause he knows how much I love them. As well as I love the brownies, I love the blueberry muffins. Especially when they're warm and fresh out of the oven. "Should I get more? And some coffee? You look like you need some, mate." He said with a small laugh at the end. With a nodd I looked down at my sweatpants, well actually Harry's sweatpants. That's why they are a bit too big, but it's actually even more comfortable. I put my hands in the pockets and felt a paper. When Niall walked out the door, I started to fold it out. It was a note from Harry. He must've put them in there over the last days.

'I know you love my sweatpants, as much as you love me, so keep them, baby. I love you more then you could ever think of. Never forget that, Lou. You're my sunshine, baby.'

Some tears began to build up in my tears. I just pressed my eyelids together, so they could fall down and I didn't need to see through the blurred vision, they produced. I missed him, I really did. With every fiber of my body. My love for him will always be unbelieveble. 

(Harry's pov)

When I got home, my phone buzzed multiple times or better said, 100 times a minute. I knew it was Lou, but I just couldn't look at it. It just hurted too much. He acted like he didn't know what I meant, but lying isn't the best way of saying the truth. For the next hours there were no calls, no messages, no buzzing. But then again, a call. I looked at it, surprising I didn't see 'Loubou'. It was an unknown number. I picked it up and answered.

"Hello?" 

"Hey, Harry. Josh's here. How are you?" His voice sounded gentle and soft.

"I-... uhm." I put my hand on my forhead, "I'm fine. Well as fine as you could be in this situation. I think." My voice was unsure and trembling.

"You want to talk about it? Wanna meet up?" 

"Yeah, uhm, yeah sure. Yeah." With a confused look I answered.

"In 20 minutes at the café?"

"Sure, okay. Bye." Before he could say something, I hung up. It was weird, that he wanted to meet up. He always been so mad at school and always gave me a bad look, just because I was standing next to Lou. Again I put my head into my hands and just groaned. A few seconds later, I stood up, to go to the café. 

I was about 10 minutes too late and he was already sitting inside. "Josh?" I put a hand on his shoulder. He jumped a little but smiled at me as he recognized me. "Hey Harry, mate. Sit down." His hand was pointing to the chair infront of him. I sat down and layed my phone beside me, seeing a message from Niall. 'Hey, mate. What...' I couldn't read more but I just looked at it confused, but ignored it. "Everything's good?" He pulled me out of my trance. "Oh, uhm, yes. S'fine." A little smile appeared on his face. "How did it went with Louis? Is he broken now?" Still a smirk. It was a bit weird, but it didn't really bothered me at the moment. "He acted as if he wouldn't know what I was taking about and just ran away." "He just lied cold into your face? What a pussy. Not even saying the truth." His arms being crossed over his chest now and his head shaking slightly. "Mhm. I don't know what to think about it. Maybe it wasn't even him. Maybe it just looked like him. What if he really didn't do anything and I just broke up without a reason?" "No I saw it very clearly. It was definitly him. Sorry, mate. Sorry." Tears burning in my eyes but I just swallowed them down again. It was clearly not the best place to cry.

Him and I just talked about the whole situation for about an hour and he was really nice. I couldn't understand, why Louis hated him so much. When I got back home, I fell down on my bed and opened my messages. I realised, that I totally forgot about Niall's text.

'Hey, mate. What is going on with you and Louis? I'm worried.'

'He cheated. And now he acts like he doesn't know about it. But Josh saw him and he isn't blind. No need to worry about me, more about Louis and his fucking cheating.'

I only saw how Niall was typing again, but I closed my phone and tried to sleep. My head was pounting and my eyes burning, still from before. I gnored the light popping up, when I received another message from Niall and fell to sleep.

---

I know guys, maybe it's trash. But I'm not really doing well with school and mental health and everything, so my brain just need to recharge a few more days and the next chapters will get better. Just a trigger warning, before you're gonna move onto the next chapter: It's likely to involve self harm and panicattacks!

Loads of love my little sunshines, xoxo

m.m.