Broken

.14.

The trip to the apartment took longer than I expected and I was amazed that Rhex had carried me all the way up to the observatory. "You seriously didn't carry me all the way up there, did you?" My question seemed to startled him and he gave a small smile as he pushed open the door to the apartment.

"I did." He looked down at me, that smile dancing along his lips. "You aren't exactly what I would call large. Dainty is the word I would use. Humans are all so delicate but you are dainty." He raised an eyebrow and I felt a smile cross my face.

"Orrians look like roided out jocks." The words echoed ones I had heard my father say too many times to count.

"What does that even mean?" His face twisted with confusion and I laughed, shaking my head.

"I honestly can't tell you, my dad uses it sometimes. I think it means someone who is really muscular?" I frowned. "I think it's also an insult. I don't know it's an Old Earth term. As I said my dad uses it sometimes." I shrugged, biting the inside of my lip.

"Well we tend to be a larger race of people but genetically we aren't much different from humans." He walked inside and I followed him, closing the door behind me. He shrugged, lifting one muscular shoulder before letting it drop. I got the overwhelming urge to run my hands over the muscles, feeling them move under my palms. "I am a soldier, not a scientist so I do not really care."

"I found it more interesting after my eighteenth birthday. I had a morbid fascination with trying to find out what made me tick instead of tock. Never found out anything important. My DNA tests I gave my dad always came back corrupted for some strange rea-" I stopped mid-sentence thinking back on what Rhex had told me. I had sixty-three percent Orrian DNA and I had always given the samples to my dad. He had known and he had hidden it from me. The thought was almost crushing, I knew he had done it to protect me but it didn't make it hurt any less.

"Don't over think it, Liv." Rhex's voice pulled me back out of my thoughts and I gave him a weak smile, my stomach feeling suddenly nauseous. My entire life I had been lied to. It was a lot to take in. "Parents will do things to protect their children that may not seem right. Obviously he loved you enough to risk his own life in hiding it from people." His words made sense and I nodded, fighting down the hurt I felt.

"We should probably get some sleep. I'll take the sofa again." I watched as he levelled me with an even look.

"You take the sofa every night and as soon as you fall asleep I carry you to the bedroom. It is best if we avoid all of that hassle and you just go sleep in the bed." His tone was serious and flat and I sighed, shaking my head. Back to emotionless, it was never even keel with him, it had to be one or the other.

"If that is what you want." I moved past him and into the hallway where I became aware that Rhex was following me. I wanted to stop and give him a look of 'what the fuck are you doing?' but I refrained and entered the bedroom with him walking a few steps behind me. I went to the closet and grabbed Rhex's t-shirt and the shorts and tossing them on the bed behind me. Rhex reached around me and took a pair of what looked to be flannel pyjama pants from the stack on the shelf before leaving the room. I paused, staring at the closet before changing into the sleep wear..

I stared at the immaculately made bed, a habit Rhex more than like had gotten from the military and I felt guilty. I was the one messing up Rhex's life. I had been forced into it without so much as a 'Hi, how are you?'. I understood that was how soulmates worked but when a person wasn't looking for one it almost felt like an inconvenience. I didn't want to crawl into the bed and I certainly didn't want to go to sleep. There was too much going on in my head to make it seem even a remote possibility.

My father had known of the fuck up in my DNA. He had known I was born illegally. He had known that was the reason I had been broken. The worst part was when I had been rejected again and again, crying over the many failed attempts, asking why I was broken. He comforted me and said nothing. It was selfish to want him to tell me that when he knew it put our entire family in danger but it was something that would have been slightly comforting to know. I wasn't broken, I was different. My DNA was different than the other humans and that was okay. It made sense it was an explanation that I needed to understand who I was.

I sat on the edge of the bed, staring at my hands in my lap.

I didn't want to be upset at him, he used to sing me silly nursery rhymes and drink pretend tea out of stupid plastic tea cups. He was my dad and I loved him but I was hurt because he hadn't trusted me enough to tell me what was actually wrong with me. I let out a sigh and stood up before moving to the bedroom door. I cracked it open, my heart beating hard in my chest.

"Rhex?" To my surprise my voice was clear and even. There was no shaking and I watched as he walked into the hallway with a frown. It was difficult to keep my eyes on his face without him having his shirt on. "We could share the bed." I watched as he stiffened at my suggestion before levelling me with a withering look that made me want to shrink to the size of a bug and hide in a corner. "I don't want to be alone right now. Please." I fought against the tears I knew wanted to fall and I watched as he ran his hand through his hair in a rather angry gesture.

"No touching. I promise. I just don't want to be alone." I pulled my hand behind my back as I said it. "You can bring your own blanket and pillow. No judgment." I watched as he gave me a narrowed eyed look before moving out of sight. I felt my heart sink slightly but he reappeared, a blanket draped over his arm as he walked towards me.

I opened the door wider before slowly moving to sit on the edge of the bed. He said nothing but I could feel the agitation swirling around him as he pulled the blanket on the bed back and threw it over to my side of the bed and covered his side with his own blanket. I stared down at my bare knees.

I didn't want him to be upset with me but the thought of sleeping alone wasn't a pleasant one. Nightmares tended to flock to me when I got into this state and it made me almost afraid to sleep. I didn't know what type of nightmares they would be now but I didn't want to find out. Something told me it would have something to do with cold eyes and hands pushing me into a recycler. I winced slightly as I brought my knees up to my chest, resting my heels on the edge of the bed. There was a lot of hurt that I was trying to ignore but it wasn't going to work.

Sleep was a bitch because it was when all of the feelings I had ignored while I was awake, came back to bite me in the ass. Nightmares plagued me for seven years because I refused to deal with my feelings by becoming a rather morbidly sarcastic bitch who enjoyed making people feel uncomfortable. It gave me a semblance of control in my out of control life. I paid for it when I was most vulnerable. All the fear and the hatred and the desperation I had bottled up leaked out into in my dreams, twisting my sleep into hopeless nightmares. It was if my body had punished me for trying to fight off what it was trying to make me feel.

"Liv, what are you doing?" Rhex sounded irritated as he sat on the bed, making the mattress tilt slightly towards his bulky frame.

"Letting myself be scared of the dark." I felt the truth in the words. I was terrified what horrible concoction of nightmares my brain would have cooked up from my hurt and my fear. I didn't want to linger on the thoughts but I knew for a fact it would happen.

"You are afraid of the dark?" He sounded incredulous but also curious and I shook my head with a sigh.

"I'm not fond of what it brings with it. Sleep and dreams that inevitably turn into nightmares." I let my knees go, letting my bare feet touch the tile on the floor. "I'm scared of nightmares, Rhex." At the admission I felt the agitation faded and I was left wondering what had replaced it when Rhex grasped my shoulder and turned me to face him.

"I will be right here, Liv. There is no need to be afraid." He sounded so earnest that I wanted to believe him but the niggling doubt in my head refused to yield but I gave him a small smile anyway.

"Okay. I trust you." I stood up, shaking his hand off as I reached down and pulled the blankets back. I carefully took the translator out of my ear and set it on the bedside table before crawling into the bed and curling up into a small ball under the covers. Rhex leaned over me and murmured something in Orrian before he kissed my temple. His lips lingered slightly before he turned away and lay down. The lights dimmed and I gave a small sigh. There wasn't much choice for me.