He didn't know she, I, had heard their argument. He taught I'd been asleep. I will admit there were times I wished I was.
"Christ! Ada, 'Bella is five and now you tell me this? You've had four years! Four years of me telling you, I love you, that I will do anything to get my family back!" Wait, what did he just say? I do not know if there was a pause in the conversation or if it is just my heart. I am listening now. "... You are freaking unbelievable! You knew... I waited and you knew!Christ! I just slept with Ellie! Shit!" I could hear my breath catch but it was as if it wasn't mine. I was cold and everything was spinning. I had been nothing more than a placeholder.
I walked out of the washroom into the bedroom and grabbed my phone. My tears blurring my vision, I struggled to find the United app. I needed to get the hell out of here, as far away as possible. I scrolled through the days flights but there was nothing, nothing available for a week. JetBlue, Delta, American all booked, as a last ditch I tried Spirit. I hate Spirit. I booked the 1:30 to Cancun, grabbed my bag and started packing. I was cutting it close but I didn't care. I didn't know anyone in Cancun but that didn't matter, I just needed to be out of here and some place he wouldn't think to find me.
I was dressed and almost finished packing by the time he walked into the room. Back turned, he put his hands on my arms and try to pull me into an embrace. "Don't touch me." I whisper almost under my breath. "Babe." He says, trying to turn me to face him. "I said don't fucking touch me!" Enraged now, I pull back out of his reach. "As long as you live don't ever touch me again!" I am breathing heavily.
"Ellie.." he sees the toiletry kit on the bed and realizes I'm packing. "What the hell is going on?" I ignore him and hurriedly scrape the last of my trinkets into the little grey bag. A single red earring falls to the floor unnoticed. I can hear him gingerly stepping forward as I move to the side, staying out of reach. I swing around and look at him, not in the eyes because I am not that strong. "I should be asking you that question."
I grab my backpack as I walk out the room, I don't stop but I can hear him. I can hear what sounds like him getting dressed but it is way too late. I won't let him stop me. I can see him coming out the door as I get in the waiting cab. I don't see him again until CRP, years later.
****
Mommy! Mommy! Your hand.
I am jarred back to the present by the sound of Lilly's little voice. I look at her as she takes my hand. "You hurt it", she says. I held on to the old vanity with such rage a piece broke and cut my hand. Bleeding, I hug my little girl and kiss her forehead.
Despite everything something beautiful did end up happening, two of them. If I hadn't walked away from Jake, there would be no Lilly, no Mark and I can't picture a world without them.
The smaller of my angels pushes me away. "Tell grammah uh eed oside", she says in her horrible but hilarious patois. She has been trying fervently to learn since landing, and it has resulted endless laughs. Right now I could use one.
***
For the rest of the week and another three weeks, I sent all his calls to voicemail, attended our meetings via video or teleconference. When in person attendance was required, I sent my second. I accepted no packages and had everything he sent, either returned or tossed. On the off chance he tried to just show up, I worked remotely, going into our offices only when absolutely necessary. I was avoiding him and we both knew it.
