He stood there watching her unseen. Her right foot tapping away. Manic, she couldn't sit still. He watched pace the floor, sit, cross and uncross her legs then tap like a Jack hammer wielding construction worker. It was amusing.
A smile crept to his lips and he wondered just how long he should let her sit there tormented. It was only fair, wasn't it? Wasn't it, perfectly just to let her unravel, if only a little. She was raking her hands through her short kinky hair. Short hair suited her, it made her more striking but he missed it long. He missed her.
Lost in thought or the failed attempts at composure, she did not hear his approach.
"Ell are you ready to go?"
She let out an audible squeak.
"Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"
He smiled. I am going to give you something else entirely.
"No. Or at least, not yet"
Together they walked to his car. He could sense her hesitation, as he opened the door for her to get in. Her hands clutching her black bag the entire ride. Out of the corner of his eyes he could see her expression change, as he made the left on to Waterloo. She had a furrowed brow. Despite her pondering, she said nothing. Ludacris played in the background. As they pasted West Kings House Road, her apprehension got the better of her, as he knew it would.
"I think we are going the wrong way."
"Are we?", a glint in his eyes.
"Jacob, where are we going? I thought we were going to lunch. I.."
"We are."
"But all the restaurants are that way. We are going the wrong way!" Panic was setting in. "Jacob, stop the car!" She was hyperventilating now.
"I said stop the car! This isn't funny."
"You are right it isn't"
She took hold of the door handle as he said this and pulled. Nothing happened. She tried again with more force and, nothing. Then it dawned on her, he had locked it.
"Jacob! Open the door"
"Why so you can jump into moving traffic? Tell me was that what you had planned to do if he'd made it?"
"Wha.. wha.. what?" She shuttered.
"Our son Elle! If our son hadn't died when he did would you have walked into traffic with him?!" He regretted it as soon as the words were out his mouth. He regretted them.
"I...I..I", He watched her face drain of its colour as she stuttered. Her mouth pursed shut on that perfect little face he ached to touch. Why had he said it? May be because it had been a question lingering in his mind even before, before he knew she'd carried their son.
*****
He had been in New York visiting his sister that chilly winter night when he saw her. Even with her back to him, he knew it was her. The little black coat pulled tight giving a nice outline, of her shoulders, her hips her ... Something was different but from his vantage point he couldn't say with certainty. Was she..? He moved closer, through the crowd descending the platform on to the pavement. Just then, she stepped into the street, into on coming traffic. Frantic he push through the crowd. His heart raced. Damn it! Ell!
"Ellyiot!" A woman screamed, as tired screeched. A man reached out grabbing her, he pulling her back to the pavement. A driver screamed out his window. Two women rush forward, flanking her on either side. The group huddle around her and walk her away. She is unsteady on her feet. Then but two steps from her he notices her outline, the rounding of her belly. What was she six, maybe seven months along? How could she? Why would she? Flooded with questions he stopped dead in his tracks. Letting the crowd wash over him and with them the only chance he had, had at seeing her in over three years.
He stood there as the crowd dissipated and told himself, she would be ok. Her friends and her lover would take care of her better than he would. That the ache in his heart and the questions in his head did not matter. He told himself every line and lie he could think of to let her go, for good.
*****
