GIVE IN.

Twelve.

TROUBLE I'M IN.

Forth's POV.

All these years I've been in a cage where I thought I could be safe and in some way, keep my sane from all the fears that kept hovering me. People could actually tell that I am indeed an ignorant - a coward to be exact. I always hide whenever I feel I'm the loser; or in some way, I feel someone is in disadvantage state. How sound silly it is, right? Everyone calls me a guy who's such strong as an iron, little did they know - I am no more than them. Such everybody else, I have my own fears and weakness.

People are right, looks are deceiving to know behind every gaze and word.

How foolishness it is for me to let the fear devour my whole life, especially my thinking. For almost five years, not in any time I let myself be free from the sudden outburst of pain and regrets that turned into my greatest fear. I let the little pain from dubious decisions before, to keep me from wanting to move forward and avoid what my heart wanted to feel all along. I tried to ignore all those feelings in order to save my sane and made me a selfish one. I know, saving yourself doesn't mean being selfish and all but with me, I know I became one. Too selfish to not give a damn about the latter's pain and somehow, my own pain. I tried to avoid to think about those things, for I know it will never help me to get better from fear. Just as what people says, sometimes the things you try to elude are the mere answers you actually need. All along, the answers I've been trying to seek for years are the things I'm afraid of. How foolishness of me, right?

Now, the time came where I thought I would be ready no matter what - became a nightmare filled of regrets. All along, this is what I want, then why do I feel like I let things to go off and pang of rue hold me so tight that I could not even breath properly? Why things get blurry as the idea of him forgotten me for good crawled inside of me, making me to feel the unwanted feelings I tried to ignore?

I glance on my wrist watch as I stop the bike seeing the red stoplight, it was way past six in the Saturday evening and the traffic is not worst as it is. The road isn't pack as what I thought as I maneuver my bike through the busy road of Pattaya. The way to the said beach is another forty-five minutes drive and surely, another hour before I could actually have a good glimpse of him. It's been almost three hours since I left from Bangkok to the said province. My limbs are surely stiff and my hands and feet are both numb because of the long sudden drive. Nonetheless, these are nothing than those years I tried to be ignorant - those were more torturous than these physical pain.

This is now or never; and thinking of this, I should take the risk years ago but I am too coward to do that. Now, I am here brave enough and driving miles after miles just to reach the haven I've been looking for.

Looking back on what Phana had said earlier, I've felt I lost the biggest gift I could have.

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As I held the blue handkerchief and such as my feet have their own life, Phana gazed my direction as I tapped his left shoulder.

"Where is he?" I asked as I tried to compose the loudly beating of my heart neither because of happiness, nor for the gift in my hand.

Things are not right and I should be the one to make it right. All along, its all on me to make something for myself in order to pull down the curtain of presumed haven.

"Who?" He retorted with another question, probably confused of my sudden query.

"Beam. Do you know where he is?" I could saw the formed furrrow on his brow as I asked his friend's name. I know he knew why I suddenly spat his name as I saw the uncomfortable gaze he has towards me. He blew the held breaths after a while of eyeing me, almost certainly discerned the concerns I have for his friend.