GIVE IN.

Thirteen.

THE ONLY EXCEPTION.

Beam's POV.

When I was younger, my parents constantly told me that everything was not always the same as it is, even the shape of human eyes. Having the same everything, means fairness; yet, there was no such thing, for fairness is just another word. I always tend to believe those things, making me to not affix myself on any dubious things that would certainly go off as the time pass by. This somehow became my escaping route from getting on more complicated situations. I always lead things, deciding afore something happen or even before get the answers for something that could at least make me happy. How silly it is, right? Sometimes, I am the one who's hurting myself, without even knowing it.

Maybe that at least what I believe before when I tend to cage myself on something that could maybe save myself from everything. Well, people do what they believe that could somehow save them from further regrets; I, one of them, did something for myself. Then as if things turned into more rational, I realized, there's no other person or reason that could make a human keep safe; no one, not even themselves. For I believe such thing, then in the end, I am the one who made myself suffer. Perhaps, the fear within us was.

The silence hovering us, letting the bustle of the sea waves be the only deafening sound around. The cold breeze slowly blowing, making us shiver from the coldness of the month, but along with the bearable coldness, is a warmth within our tangled bodies. I could feel his slow breaths by the continuous movements of his chest and the calm caress on my back; somehow, I feel safe and on the other side, years of trying suddenly came into nothing as I try to understand everything between us.

Then as before the fine thin line of silence turns into more unbearable, he whispers another set of words,"I am sorry for realizing it just now... Of how much I wanted you for a long time now."

As if words were daggers that instantly hit the very center of my chest, making me to flinch as pang direly creep on me. Then question after question form as if he could hear any of those.

"Why just now?"

"I am a coward from having this, telling myself I doesn't deserve any of this thing."

"How could you say that?"

"Sounds not make any sense... But I was afraid."

I let another bearable silence hovers us, contemplating every word he said. He was afraid, he said; of what? Of somehow give in into this? Why?

Possible reasons after questions is raining inside my head. Slowly, I take his arms that embracing my body and let myself slide off from him. I take a deep breath as I gaze on his glistening eyes, I know what he feels, I've been there. He nervously wait for me as I think of another question, for me to see his reason. I could feel his trembling, his eyes trying to prevent from giving up, his rush breaths and the pain, guilt and regrets that creeping on him. "What are you afraid of?"

"Many things. I don't want to hurt you."

"But you did."

"I know, and I am so sorry. I thought somehow, I could save you... Little did I know I made us suffer from waiting... And regretting and fear."

I let him said every thought he have, just gazing at his guilt look lingers on his face as I try to reason out his words. Maybe he is, I don't know. I don't know what to think about anymore.

Is it really worth it? Or am I trying to dig my own grave again?

"What if you're too late? What if I don't have anything anymore? What if you cannot keep up and already lost it all?"