Finding Love On The Run !

Stop playing the victim..

*Beyonce POV*

I decided to get up and leave because I didn't feel like arguing with Shawn at the moment . I know you may feel like I'm being difficult but actually I'm not . Its was either this or a divorce and I honestly wouldn't want that to happen.

He might not know it but I'm madly in love with Shawn I really am but sometimes enough is enough. I don't want Blue, Jay or me getting hurt in the end and its really looking like that if we continue down this path. Its like that feeling when you love someone with all your heart but you know they not right for you. I really want to block that idea out my head because I don't want to lose him. He is the father of my child but I always said I wouldn't stay with a horrible guy for the children. Why? Because I always knew when my mom wasn't happy and I don't want Blue to think she has to be with someone because a child. Its also not good for her to see Jay and I fighting which was starting to happen.

If we are going to be honest too in this relationship I never feel needed or wanted. Its as if he doesn't need me or even want to be with me. Its as if I am just there because I have to be there. I felt like that for a couple years now and I'm getting tired of that. The only time I feel needed is when Blue says mommy which just melts my heart.

 I pulled into my drive way of my home only waiting to see my child's face.

" Mommy!" Blue said as I walked into the house .

"Hi mommies baby!" I said sinking down to her level giving her a hug .

She had on her play hills and her princess crown and her dress and her feathers of sparkles swear she's a diva . I followed her to her bedroom as she dragged me into a usually tea party .

I took a picture of me and blues hand grabbing the tea . If you didn't know already i love taking pictures. It a way to express yourself without saying a word which is cool. Its also another way to be shady if you didn't know. Ever hear the saying pictures are worth a thousand words shit its worth a lot of shade too. But anyways me and Blue were having a good time then she looked at me as if she wanted something but didn't ant to says it.

"Whats wrong Blue?"I asked

"Mommy can I call daddi " blue asked grabbing my phone .

"Sure you can call daddy " I said pressing the FaceTime button .

Jay then answered and him and blue talked forever until I took the phone and told him it's almost midnight and my phone was running hot .

" Okay thanks for letting me speak to her " he said

" I would never keep you away from your child " I said closing blues door waking into mine .

" I know I just miss you guys a lot " he said looking down at his chain .

" I miss you to but we just need time to ourselves okay since we are going to have time to catch up on that tour."I said 

" You right babe " he said agreeing .

"Goodnight Mr.Carter " I said grinning .

Goodnight Mrs.Carter" he said hanging up .

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I got up not feeling well I was tired I can't feel my legs hardly all my helper are gone and they have went on vacation . in the only one here to get blue and I can barley walk . I got up with all my might but I feel down to the ground .

I looked and seen my phone so I crawled to it so I could call my mom so she could come as soon as possible .

" Hello " she said

" Mom I need help I can barley feel my legs I'm hot and blues here I can't make it to her room .

" I'm on my way baby just seat tight . she said hanging up .

I say there for a long period of time before my mom came rushing through my bedroom door . she grabbed me called the doctor and then she went and got blue .

The doctor came and she took my temperature and she said I have the case of Lino ( made up ) it's when you sweat and you can feel your legs . she gave me meads to take every hour so I could get back to normal .

It's been about 9 hours since my mom has been here and she look restless I feel bad . I told her that she could leave but instead she called Jay .

I really didn't want him all up on me but I guess I don't have a choice .

He arrived and he looked like he was panicking really bad .

" Bey are you okay , Is blue okay ".he said screaming

"I'm fine lower your tone my baby is sleeping in her room and I just can't feel my legs and your making me hot with the big as jacket on so take it off .

" I'm sorry for worrying about my family " he said taking his jacket off sitting on the chair .

" You say you care but I know with my deepest gut you don't " I said throwing a pillow at him .

"JUST STOP!" He yelled throwing me off guard

"Stop what?"I said confused

"Stop playing the victim. You and I both played a huge part of our marriage breaking. A marriage is a PARTNERSHIP not just blame Jay on everything.  You have done things to fuck up our relationship and so did I but at least I'm owning up to my mistakes!" He said pissed

"I'm not the one who CHEATED!"

"Yes I did and I will stand up and say I did so but have you ever stopped and thought maybe me cheating was an effect of something you did?"

"Don't come blaming me for your cheating ways."

"You know what Im done.. I cant continue to try to fight for this relationship if you obviously gave up."

With that he walked away closing the door forcing me to just cry my eyes out. Did I just end my marriage?

Words of the Author:

Sorry its a short update but I only had a little time and I wanted to get somthing out to you guys. Comment what you think since we do need your suggetions?