After graduating college, Austin Curtis returns home without really knowing what to expect. Time has helped her mature, but through the years she spent away from Tulsa, there was a nagging in her mind about how she left everyone...more specifically...
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The drive from Little Rock to Tulsa wasn't too bad; then again it wasn't something Austin made too frequently to become bored of. She hadn't had much contact with the gang besides her brothers and Two-Bit since she left for school three years ago. Other than phone calls and the rare, surprise occasions where Two-Bit drove Ponyboy to Arkansas to visit, the guys hadn't interrupted her too much while she was at college. Austin was grateful for the communication she had with Ponyboy, Sodapop, Two-Bit, and Darry, which made her still feel welcome back in Tulsa. However, as much as she hated to admit it, she was more grateful for the time apart.
After driving through the night and sleeping in her car, Austin found a pay phone and enough change to call home and let her brothers know where she was and that she was safe. She hated that she'd learned of Johnny's passing over the phone. For weeks she was sick to her stomach at the thought that she would never Johnny's gentle smile again, that such a kind soul spent his last few days wanted for murder and that she never got to tell him how much his friendship meant to her. More than anything else though, Austin hated the idea that he possibly died the way he had lived: believing no one cared about him. She would be reduced to tears and nearly vomiting at the knowledge that, at the end, she never got the chance to show him any different.
It wasn't until a few days later during a surprise phone call from Two-Bit that she learned of the other events that transpired the night she left. According to him, Ponyboy and Dallas were in the room when Johnny passed. Austin's heart dropped as she pictured her little brother—having lost his parents not even a year prior—witnessing his friend die. Then she thought of Dallas: the boy with abandonment issues whom she had just abandoned.
It wasn't openly talked about, amongst the gang, but it was a well-known fact that there were probably only two people in the world Dallas Winston cared about: Austin Curtis and Johnny Cade. Austin didn't want to imagine Dallas's reaction to watching Johnny die a matter of hours after he'd been abandoned by her. She didn't want to think about how the only person who could have helped him express his feelings over losing her was gone, and the only person he would have run to after losing Johnny had left him. Much to her misfortune, Two-Bit wasted no time in painting the picture she wanted to keep from entering her mind.
She knew his mind was as broken and sad as hers, and she'd known they both thought themselves to be worthless on some level or another. She was heartbroken to hear he'd tried go get himself killed, yet relieved at the word 'tried'. "If it hadn't been for Sylvia hitting on him at the drugstore, he'd either be in prison or a coffin," Two-Bit explained.
His words brought a sense of emptiness over Austin, and she could feel her walls go up and numbness consume her. From that moment on, chose not to feel anything in regards to Dallas. Even the mention of his name during any of the calls she had back home was met with an apathy Austin couldn't afford to rid herself of.
She had hoped that, in the years she'd spent apart from Dallas, he would change, but she knew better than to expect anything. She supposed that's why she cut things off in the first place. She hated that he had predicted she would push him away the moment the opportunity presented itself. I guess that's why he gave me his necklace at the end of it all. She hated herself for even letting Dallas become such an integral of a part of her life, and she hated the fact that she could never bring herself to take off the pendant after all these years. If we would have just stayed friends...if he didn't kiss me that night, everything would be normal between the two of us and the lonely, empty feeling in my chest wouldn't exist.
