Worst Warrior Cats Fanfiction Ever 3

A homage to future caf lady Tess

             "Today is my birthday," announced Catstar. "I want to have a party. And a huge banquet. And buffet." 
              "But- it's leafbare, we don't have any food.... we're already struggling to catch one mouse every five weeks. We're in the middle of a famine...," protested Vladmirsoup. 
              "Shhh. I didn't ask you, did I?" Catstar snapped. 
             "No you did not," agreed Vladmirsoup. "Sorry." 
             "You should be. Now plan my party," Catstar ordered and retreated into her den where she curled up into a ball and fell asleep. Vladmirsoup stepped out into the clearing to find all his Clanmates sprawled on the floor, starving. They had patches of bare skin where their fur had fallen off and their bones and ribs were showing. Vladmirsoup sighed and declared to the Clan. 
               "It is our beloved Leader's birthday today. We must prepare for a feast," declared Vladmirsoup. 
               "I am literally dying," pointed out Randomcharacter who was literally dying. 
                "Does it look like I care?" retorted Vladmirsoup. "Everybody get to work!" With a groan, everybody reluctantly dragged themselves up. 

A few hours later, it was mid afternoon and all the decorations had been set up. Lights were blinking, confetti was at the ready, banners were hung and a row of long tables were set up for the feast. On one small plate was the tail of the mouse. It was the only food left in ThunderClan territory. Vladmirsoup stared sadly at the feast knowing it would not appease the great Catstar. 
                "Are you sure we have nothing else?" he demanded. Every cat nodded no. 
                "My kit already died of starvation," cried Fatherduck. 
                 "I do not need to hear about your very very sad life right now," Vladmirsoup huffed. 
                 "Ok :(," sighed Fatherduck, retreating to his mate, Mothergoose. 
                "I know what we can do," exclaimed Worstcat suddenly. "I have this friend... she's a kittypet but-" 
                 "No. I reject your offer. I hate kittypets," butted in Vladmirsoup. 
                  "It's our only option. Do you want there to be more food or not?" demanded Worstcat. 
                 "Yes, of course I do...," sighed Vladmirsoup. "Tell me your bad suggestion."
                   "I have this friend, well ex-friend... her name is Tessthemess. She has a degree in cafeteria service. She's very good in the culinary industry," Worstcat explained. 
                  "Tessthemess?" Vladmirsoup scrunched up his nose. "Sounds like a caca name to me." 
                   "Yes. Well, she is a caca cat. But it's our only hope," Worstcat pointed out. 
                   "Alright, summon Tessthemess," Vladmirsoup decided. 

Tessthemess arrived four hours later, fashionably late. She had long furry golden fur and a long muzzle. Everybody gawked at her. Unlike the Clan cats, Tessthemess was a big, bulky cat. She wandered into the Clan and stared at the miserable mouse tail on the long table. 
                "What is this abomination?!" demanded Tessthemess. Nobody answered. "Get rid of it this instant!" Nobody moved. Worstcat finally stepped forward. 
                "Uh hi. I'm Worstcat and uh, we asked you here as we need you to work your magic. And prepare a feast for us," Worstcat explained. 
                "KK boomer," huffed Tessthemess. "Suck work I must do. You demand a lot from me."
                 "Uh, yeah. So will you do it?" asked Vladmirsoup skeptically. 
                  "Of course it is my duty," Tessthemess said solemnly. "I will do what I do best." 

An hour later, Tessthemess was ready. Catstar was led out into the clearing where an entire feast was displayed on the table. There were chicken mgnuggets, burgers, spaghetti and soggy breads. 
                  "MMMmmmm," smiled Catstar. "I smell the smell of food." 
                  "Yes, open them nostrils," grinned Tessthemess. "YOU MAY START TO FEAST." The cats gathered around the table and Tessthemess, professional cafeteria cat, served them with glee and professionalism. When Happy Birthday was sung, Tessthemess served out perfectly cut slices of cake. The cats partied till 5am while Tessthemess kept throwing food at them. 
               "Ay, shake them hips," hollered Catstar to Greyrejected. 
               "no," said Greyrejected, rejecting Catstar. 
               "ok," said Catstar and continued to dance. The next morning, hungover and high, Catstar struggled to crawl back into her den. Tessthemess looked around satisfied. She had done her job. She had served this clearing and treated is as a real caf lady would. She was fulfilled. With a small smile, Tessthemess trotted out of camp and back to her home, the cafeteria.