Sincerely Red │Rose Weasley x Scorpius Malfoy

2. Firewhiskey Panic Attacks

───── ❝ Firewhiskey Panic Attacks ❞ ─────

September 25th, 2023

I'm still swimming in sadness, but I have to come ashore. 

I already told them I would go to the party tonight. I can't back out. It'll be the first crack in my security blanket. The first warning sign to tell them something is wrong. And it's too early for warning signs.

It's too early. 

So, I'll go. I mean, I have to. But I think it will be fun. I think it will be, if I let it be, of course. I already finished all the essays for this month, and even got a head start on that nasty Alchemy assignment. 

I'm ahead on all my assignments, so why do I still feel like I'm drowning? 

But I'm going to have fun tonight. Me and a bottle of firewhiskey. That's the key to success. And once I'm done having fun, and they all see me having fun, I can go back. I can retreat to my comfort zone and burry myself in the library. 

Spread my ashes in the Restricted Section of the library, if Madam Barnaby will let you through. 

Sincerely, 

Red

 ─────

Her ears were ringing, her head pounding from the aftermath of one too many firewhiskey shots. She pushed through the wave of nausea that rang through her body as she continued to tare apart the Gryffindor seventh year dorm room, decorative pillows and quills flying in the air. 

"Rosie?" Ella questioned from her spot tucked underneath her comforter, peaking her head out from her drawn curtain to check on the noise. 

Rose ignored her, too focused already on the task at hand. She clutched the corner of her sheets with one hand, yanking to completely dismantle her bed in one tug. A random sock came flying out from underneath her sheets, but besides that, nothing else. She took a step away from her bed, admiring her destruction as reality set it.

Her journal was missing. 

Bile settled in her throat, threatening to come up. She didn't have to be a smart witch to know a panic attack was quickly coming up and her only coping mechanism was missing. 

There was a rustling of pulled covers from behind her and a warm hand was placed on her shoulder. "Blimey, isn't it a bit early in the semester to redecorate?" Roxanne joked, pulling slightly on her shoulder. "How are you even up this early? Thought for sure you'd have your head in the loo after last nights adventure." 

"It's missing." Rose murmured, a hollowness already sneaking into her voice and it scared her. 

She needs that journal. It's the only lifeline she has - and it's gone. An even worse thought crossed Rose's mind and she physically cringed. If someone has it...if someone reads it. The panic intensified as she frantically looked around the room again, pulling at her trunk by the side of her bed even though she had already checked it. 

"It's missing. It's gone." She repeated as her two friends watched with worried eyes. 

Rose made no attempt to hide her hysteria. Roxanne and Ella were one of the few people who carried the burden of Rose's mental health with them. She had managed to keep up her façade around Hogwarts, carrying on her mother's title as the smartest witch of her year. But she was crumbling, and at an alarming rate. The only hiccup she's faced was having to decline the House Girl role, but she was quick to cover that up. After all, she had to prepare for her N.E.W.T.S and applying for St. Mungo's. 

But this...this was something not even Rose could figure out how to recover from. 

"You probably misplaced it. You were in a rush yesterday." Ella was the voice of reason, brushing past Roxanne so she could help look for the binded book. "I'm sure it's somewhere here." 

Tears began to blur Rose's vision as she snatched her wand from the bedside table. Her grip was firm as she hissed, "Accio Journal." Silence answered her, drowning here even more. "Accio Journal. Accio Journal. Accio Journal!" 

"Will you shut up?!" Genevieve Pillar hissed from behind her drawn curtain. "Bloody anal pain in my arse..." 

"Learn some manners, Pillar." Roxanne retorted, scowling across the room at her hidden bed. "Don't mind her, Rosie. Everyone knows Pillar is a crouchy cow." She lowered her voice, smiling at her friend. 

Rose stood rooted there, staring at her torn sheets and spilled books. She blinked slowly, hoping her little blue journal would suddenly appear. One, Two, Three...Rose aggressively breathed in and out of her nose, trying to calm her erratic heartbeat. The only solace she had was that it was anonymous, never tied to her name. Granted, her pen name wasn't anything original. There weren't many red heads at Hogwarts to chose from.  

Rose was mentally cursing herself for never enchanting the journal with security charms. 

With her wand clutched firmly in her grip and a determined gaze, she turned on her heel startling the two girls next to her. Rose side-stepped them, making a beeline for the door. 

Roxanne's hand jutted out, grabbing on to her wrist. "Where are you going?" 

"To search." 

"Do you want some help?" Ella cut in, wiping the sleep away from her eyes with her knuckles.

Rose shook her head quickly, un-brushed hair flying across her face. "No."

Roxanne hesitated, "When will you come back?" 

"When I find it."