"Asshole!" Yelled Daniel's turd.
Daniel, who was sitting on the toilet hoping to get a good shit on immediately jumped and fell on the ground.
"What!" Daniel said bewildered.
"I SAID! ASSHOLE!" The turd replied.
Daniel's responded to this by closing the door to the bathroom and running to the bed, hoping the pillow on his face would suffocate and kill him or....make him fall asleep and wake up to a normal day.
The Next Day.....
Daniel woke up the same way he always did, delirious.
He made his way to the bathroom to take a shit. He enjoyed this activity, it was the only time in his day he could find peace.
"Asshole!" Yelled Daniel's turd.
"FUCK! Your real?!" Daniel said.
"As real as that spider bite on your left butt cheek boy-yo."
Daniel looked down into the toilet seat and saw his turd floating on the water.
The turd had two eyes and a mouth.
"You...you have eyes...and a mouth!" Daniel said
"What else do you need me A SENTIANT BEING to have?! Boobs?!"
Daniel began to slowly step back and started to take deep breaths.
"Ok.....Ok....I'm Just going crazy......just a little mental illness, nothing a trip to a therapist and some drugs can't solve."
Denial began to slowly approach the toilet to flush.
"You better fucking not, seriously dude. I'll fucking kill you."
"Its just an imaginary talking turd it can't hurt you...."
"The fuck I can't!" The turd yelled as it flew off the toilet and hit Daniel on the head.
"Ahh fucking fuck fuck!" Daniel yelled as he fell.
Daniel immediately stood up and ran to find the turd.
"Get back here!" Daniel yelled.
"How? Aren't I just a fragment of your imagination? Surely it couldn't have been me that just head butted your dumbass." The turd exclaimed.
Daniel followed the noise to kitchen where the turd was waiting for him.
"You better back off Danny boy."
Daniel replied by getting and emptying a jar of pickles and proceeded to try and trap the turd in it.
"Oh shit! Get away from me motherfucker!" The turd yelled as it tried to jump away but was ultimately unsuccessful.
"Got ya!" Daniel said as he closed the led of the jar with the turd in it.
"Wait let's talk! I'm a senetient piece of shit! Isn't that fucking crazy! Think about how this could change the world! I might finally be the answer of human existence! Motherfucker my tears could cure cancer!" The turd pleaded.
Just as Daniel was about to open the jar and throw the turd in the toilet, the turd yelled "I know how to make Jessica love you again!"
Saying this caused Daniel to stop dead on his tracks and think that maybe, just maybe, flushing a piece of shit down the toilet might not be the smart thing to do.
YOU ARE READING
Love Is Just Excrement
Humorthis is just the dumbest, dumb, dumb, stupid just absolutely dumbest thing I have ever written and it's just stupid and it's just me being stupid and dumb and maybe even a little gross? definitely a little gross. I...I Just can't describe it...it's...
