Beyond closed doors

4

Chapter song: The remedy for a broken heart by XXXTENTACION

I walk into one of the guest rooms downstairs. I find my mother seated there with afew other middle aged women who are most probably her friends, my paternal aunt Hadiza, maimuna, and a couple older looking women.

"Salam Alaikum" I say and they all answer. I kneel down slightly and greet all the people present there. After afew short moments filled with them murmuring. My Aunt Hadiza finally speaks up."Aisha do you know why we called you here? " she asks. And I shake my head signifying a 'No'

"Good" she says" Mun kira ki ne dan mu fahintar da ke Akan takaba (We called you here to enlighten you about the norms of your mourning" I sigh quietly and wait for them to continue.

"Firstly you must have noticed that your mother picked out a certain outfit for you."she said. "You are a widow now darling so you're not expected to wear vibrant clothes, perfumes, makeup, henna or anything that will likely drawl attention to you." She says then takes a pause. "You can pick 4 other outfits of your choice apart from this one but bear in mind you won't be able to wear them again after your takaba you'll give them out as sadaqa." My aunt keeps quite and it's my moms time to speak I guess "you are not expected to go out during your period of mourning except if it is an absolute emergency. You're going to spend this time in the confinement of your home is that clear?" My mother asks and I nod. I honestly didn't have the energy to argue with her about not going out because I know it's pointless. I love going out and now I have to stay in this house alone. "One more thing your takaba is the first 40days but you have to go through Idda as well which is about 3 months which add up to 60 days. So you're spending 100 days at home" she says. I do the math and I'll stop this act by January or February. The women in the room spend the next hour lecturing me about the do's and don'ts of widowhood and let me tell you this I have no idea what the actual fuck they were talking about because my starvation was starting to catch to me. I started fantasizing about a big tub of KFC but my thoughts come to an abrupt halt when my mom pulls me down out of the room. "When you go to the living room I want you to act sad when someone offers you food don't accept it you'll seem more genuine" she says. So not eating food makes me genuine oh okay. "And rub your eyes so they seem a little red thank God you're fair" she says and proceeds to rub my eyes. I struggled to move away from her but she already succeeded in her quest. My eyes looked redder than usual. I don't even know why she would do that my eyes were already swollen and puffy enough from the lack of sleep and crying.

I go to the living room where the guests are being ushered and take a seat at a corner amidst the endless strain of people. All eyes were on me the 17 year old widow, Hashims wife, Dr shemas spoilt brat and my newest title Zaddys girl. Damn so many titles. The people that come and go keep repeating the same words over and over again. "Ya hakuri, Allah ya jikan shi" i just keep replying them with "Alhamdulilllah hakuri yazama dole" I keep saying those words but somehow I feel they don't apply to this reality everyone else but me seems to be living in. Truth be told I'm not really troubled by Hashims death I'm not happy either but it's not like I'm depressed or wallowing in the thought of loosing him rather I'm wallowing in my own self pity.

I wanted by all means to be left alone by this man. We lived in the same house, but I spent my time as his bride avoiding him. Because he was a monster to me. At the beginning of our marriage I was almost willing to accept Hashim as my husband. I
didn't have much of a choice anyway and plus he had the funds to take care of my needs as a popular saying goes gwara nayi kuka a Benz danayi a Napep. I have never been someone who fantasied about romance But he turned out to be someone who was beyond my expectations not in a good way though. Hashim used to be someone I could regard as an uncle when ever he came to my fathers house I would treat him with utmost respect as a daughter ought to. He didn't have any children but that didn't mean he couldn't give birth to me. He was a fathers friend I never paid attention to. So when the marriage proposal came I was devastated I didn't know why on earth my parents would want to do such a thing to me. I wanted to go to university like my friends explore the world do something with my life. Eventually I had to succumb to my reality but if only I knew what awaited me in my matrimonial home I would have tried harder.

A/N: now y'all peeps know a little more about Aisha's marriage to Hashim although it's still a little vague. But everything gone make sense when you read the next chapter.
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-penguin🐧