So I'm going to ask you something, mortals. Where is the first place you would go after being unintentionally summoned by some random a-hole months ago, living on salt water, wearing the same disgusting green dress and having no food, no shelter minus a creaky roof that's enough to make anyone paranoid, no company and no supplies for that strange thing women do once a month?
To a fish restaurant, of course!
My stomach was growling while I looked at the Anywhere Key and twiddled it around in my fingers. I'm actually used to the sensation, but now it was worse than ever and hm, I wonder why. So, where do I go from here? I'm going to need a general idea, and soon. The television had some promising locations, and the more you see the more you can access. (That's how the Identity Key works.) None of it looked close to Matheson. In fact I don't even think they were the same time zone. Ugh, my eyes are on fire.
"Okay..." said the waitress, placing down two beautiful plates. I immediately started chowing down on the first thing I've eaten in (what feels like) a quarter-century at least.
A pancake.
Whilst reminding myself that when it comes to pancakes, forks are overrated.
Even as another plate was coming.
And there were waffles on one, and French toast on another, and triangular bread thingies... okay, I can't remember what they're called, I just remember ordering the majority of the menu because... you know why.
"Wish I had your metabolism..."
Wish I had a lobster.
So anyway I started eating everything I'd ordered and I probably look like the definition of embarrassing but you've probably deduced by now that I'm too famished to care. I looked like one of those BBW feedees that made cringey vids in 2013 that were an utter disgrace to humanity and make any sane person fantasize about having a gun in easy reach (Ellie told me all about them, smh). And maybe some ugly old geezer was watching me thinking God-knows-what but who the hell cares. Actually I think an old geezer was watching me. Not to mention my smell must be the stuff of nightmares. He's probably cringing so much and that just makes me feel even crappier.
After I was done eating my gosh I was so full I could detonate.
Finally, I looked up at the waitress, yes, the one who's probably spent the last ten minutes cringing as much as I am inwardly. "Could you tell me where the restroom is?"
"Sure," she said, "it's right through there."
"Great," I said, as calmly as possible for someone whose heart was pounding. Taking one last look at the television on my way to the restroom, I unlocked the door via Anywhere Key and stepped into a room full of white tarps and a brick entry into another room and foreign music playing in the background. And clothes. Lots of clothes.
I took some random stuff off the rack and put on a cop hat and I don't know why but I finally feel alive again. Having a host body is awesome. I went into a room to change and... okay, let me put it this way for a mortal reader. Changing out of a dress you've been wearing for eight long moon cycles is like pulling out of a swimming pool some asshat poured liters of goop into that you've been helplessly stuck in for four days. And I tried on a few outfits but just didn't bother with the rest. I did finally settle for a black jacket... until I noticed something on the wall. "DIOLI", it said, written backwards. With a blonde model wearing something I'd never seen before but absolutely knew I'd look like a living legend in. Almost immortal, in fact, but I can't let anyone know how I actually look. Actually, demonic entities are extremely pretty. And so am I, even in my mortal guise with the Identity Key.
YOU ARE READING
The Diary of an Echo
Hayran KurguPrepare to quake before my eminence, for this is my diary! The keys will be returned to their rightful demonic owners and we will do wonderful things for Meatworld. Now kneel before me and let my diary guide you to a new and exciting dimensional bar...