Haikyuu oneshots (mixed ships)

Dear Mother Dearest

a note to my mother that no one is obligated to read, i just want to put this into the universe. ⚠️transphobia⚠️

so,,, note to my mother who today told me, "you should pick different pronouns, like make up a word or something. they/them is just a grammatical nightmare. it doesn't make any sense." (and before y'all think i'm over reacting 1) fuck off 2) this is not the first time she has said this nor is it the only micro aggression she's done 3) even though i have been out for more than a year she has yet to refer to me with they/them pronouns without being corrected into it 4) today she flat out refused to change from my pronouns assigned at birth to they/them 5) fuck off again)

i'm sorry for walking out almost immediately after you said this. not to you. i will never apologize to some one who said something transphobic for my reaction to what they said. i'm sorry to myself. i'm sorry that i didn't curse you out. sorry that i didn't give you a piece of my mind. sorry that i didn't tell you that the thing you just said was 100% a micro aggression and low-key high-key transphobic. sorry that i didn't take that time to call you a transphobic little fuckass who thinks that the world fucking revolves around you. i'm sorry you think that my dyslexic dysphoric ass gives two shits about what's grammatically correct. ALSO i'm well aware that this isn't about upholding the honorable system that is the english language, because when i came to you crying about alex and his terrible home life, ya know the time you told me that, "these things happen," you were perfectly fine using they/them pronouns for him. which by the way is ALSO A MICORAGRESTION. if i'm being completely honest this has happened before. you say something transphobic. i brush it off because you're the type of person to has been saying "LGBTQ rights!!" for as long as i can remember, so obviously you couldn't be transphobic. but no. not this god damn time. i have given you one to many chances and each time you crush my sole just a little bit more. when will you understand that i don't have anything left to give. my mental health is down the fucking drain and right now i'm so angry that my hands won't stop shaking. but i've realized that i don't owe you shit. i don't owe you forgiveness because we're family. you owe me my fucking pronouns. you owe me the validation that my existence is valid and not a burden to you but nope that was to much for you wasn't it? and the worst part is after you told me this and i stood up for myself, you said that you "understand how i'm feeling" NO MOM YOU DONT i'm sorry to fucking break it to you but your cishet. you have never had to lie in bed at night contemplating whether or not someone in your life will hate you for simply existing. you have never looked in the mirror and had a stranger looking back at you. you have never, not once in your life felt like your body was fundamentally wrong and that is the difference. i'm not asking you to understand. it would be unrealistic of me to expect that, and i'm not sure i want that. but i just want you to try your best, to make an effort, literally anything to show me that i'm not just a broken person to you. and i'm not only mad. don't get me wrong i'm pissed. but i'm also sad. ya i'm pretty god damn sad. like really fucking sad. so sad that i don't think any other word would fit. sure i could say i'm distraught, that my view of someone I've looked up to my whole life has been torn apart completely, or I could say that i've kinda lost hope. but i won't say any of those thing. sure they technically fit, but in all actuality i don't think they are what i'm trying to convey. i think i'm so sad that i've lost hope that the world will ever look at me as more than a burden. they/them pronouns will truly be something that stands in my way my whole life. i'll lose people i thought we're friends, i could lose jobs, i could be assaulted, i could be denied health care or a place to live. so ya i'm not super hyped about being trans either. but this has made me realize that i must come to terms with the idea of losing those i thought were close to me. it also means that i have to be really fucking good at looking through a fake. you don't love me, you love the idea of me. you wouldn't do anything for me, you would do anything for the little boy/girl (y'all fuckers aren't getting my GAAB that easy) you think i am. you've never once heard anything i've said to you. all the "hey i think i'm depressed"s being brushed off with a simple "no you're not," weren't aimed at me. you weren't saying that i'm not depressed, you were saying that the person you think i am simply couldn't be depressed. so hello, and welcome to your new child. i do not come with instructions, i will not be easy and i am nothing like your last model. the universe will not be excepting returns or exchanges so congrats your stuck with me. sorry. i can't convey to you who i am. i know that i'm a burden on you for trying to exist in a way that makes me feel comfortable and i know you don't think of me as non-binary i know you don't think of me as trans. FUCK i can't even say i had a crush on an l animated character that was a girl when i was SEVEN without you're first question being "is she hot" as if my SEVEN YEAR OLD SELF new wtf hot was. but hey it's fine i guess because right now i'm fucking frustrated. SO... so frustrated. i want to be able to tell you how i feel, how i want to claw at my skin and tear apart the world to hide myself because i can't find the words. i'm so so frustrated at myself because i'm to scared to say any of this to you. scared that me saying this will lead to you realizing it yourself. realizing you don't love me. then where would we go from there? so instead i have typed 1178 words on wattpad. doing me best to not explode and go die in a hole somewhere. which if i'm being honest doesn't sound half bad right now.
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anyways thanks for listening to my rant you're the best
until next time lovelies 💐💐
and remember to be nice to others