Come Back To Me

25

Two weeks.

Two weeks until I left for college.

Two weeks until I could forget about Alex.

Because I was really doing a bang up job of it right now.

Actually, I wasn't. I couldn't bring myself to take the pictures off of my mirror. It was impossible for me to forget about him. I couldn't throw out the card he'd gotten me for Valentine's Day. I couldn't get rid of the earrings he'd gotten me for my birthday. And I certainly couldn't get rid of the bullet holes he'd left on my heart.

Zoey, Lexy, and I had finished our shopping. I'd gotten more "college" looking clothes, including a party dress and heels. It was scary to think that in two weeks, I'd be leaving behind everything that I'd known my entire life. It was going to be an adjustment. It was going to be weird not to see my mom every morning. Or to not have my dad cook me breakfast on the weekends. But we'd already scheduled my first flight home for Thanksgiving, which was pretty exciting. It was something to look forward to.

"I'll be back in a while, okay?" I told my mom as I walked out the front door. It was a hot afternoon in late July, and the sun was already beating down on my back. I heard my mom mumble a response as I ripped my car door open and slid inside. Immediately I cranked the air conditioning on full blast to avoid a heatstroke. With all the hundred degree weather, it was almost to be expected.

I cruised down the street with one destination in mind. Anyone who knew me would know where I was going. It was the only place I'd go to think at this point. It'd once been my favorite place, but now not so much. There were a ton of memories surrounding it, all good until things went sour. But I had to let go. I had to.

I couldn't go to Georgia Tech without letting go of one final thing.

The roads were completely empty as I turned into the elementary school parking lot. There wasn't even a janitor at the school. Nobody. Everyone who had any sense was sitting by a pool. Except me, of course. I was that idiot that showed up at the elementary school to have a conversation with myself.

I cautiously stepped out of the car and headed for the playground. The air was still; no breeze to offset this heat. It was nearly unbearable, but this was one thing that I had to do.

"I guess this in the final thing," I said as I took a seat on a swing. "So much has happened to me, and yet I come back to this playground. I played here in elementary school. I hung out with my boyfriend here in high school. Well, my ex, I guess. I don't really know."

I feel like such an idiot.

Who the hell sits at an elementary school playground and talks to themself?

Oh, yeah. Me.

"I'm leaving in two weeks. Eightteen years I've spent here, and I'm leaving in two weeks. So this is my final goodbye to the playground. This is a goodbye to every memory with Alex. Goodbye to every time he kissed me here. Good riddence to every time he told me he loved me," A tear rolled down my cheek and caught in the corner of my mouth. It was salty on my tongue. "Goodbye to every time we laid on a blanket and looked at the clouds. Goodbye to when he pushed me on these swings. This is it. This has to be it."

My throat stung. I wanted to stop talking about it. I wanted to go home. But I had to finish this, or I'd never be able to move on. "Goodbye to everything. I'm done. My heart's been put through a wringer the past few months. And I need to start clean."

I had to keep talking to keep myself from crying. I'd tried to put myself outside my body, as if looking from the outside in. "It's time to start over. I'm going to college. I need to forget and-"