Alexander's Disappearance

17

        We were in his car now. Jalen sat in the passenger seat confused, I could tell. He stayed quiet and pretended as if he wasn't there.

        "Okay..." Ben gripped onto his steering wheel.

        "I'm waiting." 

        There was a one-minute silence before Ben spoke. "Mr. Harrington had an affair... He probably had more than one mistress," he whispered. His knuckles turn pale. As he turned around, I noticed the tears welling up in his eyes. "I couldn't tell you! I couldn't tell you, Ms. Wu! He threatened me."

         This was not what I expected. Alexander threatening Ben? I could see it, but I didn't want to believe it. I imagined Alexander, grabbing Ben by the collar, pinning him against the wall, and threatening him that if he ever told me about his affairs, he would kill him. My dead husband was capable of doing many things—things that would put him in prison. But I stay in the shadows. I stay in the darkness. Because ignorance is bliss. 

        A tear rolled down his cheek as he continued, "I was covering up for him... Picked him up with a white car this time. He was going to see his mistress... He threatened to kill me, ma'am! He threatened to kill Jalen!"

        Who... Who was I married to?

        My eyes widened at the sudden outburst. I held onto my purse but my hands were clammy so I gripped my knees. Ben had no choice. Ben had no choice. Ben had no choice. I tell myself this over and over again. Anger was rushing through my veins. I was heating up in this car. I was going to yell at him for not telling me. But I couldn't keep a secret either. I brought up the affair that night, I didn't even hesitate to. Ben was smart—very smart for not telling me. I refuse to yell at him. 

         "Is this why you were so nice to me recently?" were the words that came out of my mouth.

        Ben sighed. "I was pitying you. I pitied you. You didn't even know! You didn't know and a part of me was just so sorry... But I still wanted to be friendlier to you! It was not just an act! I promise!"

         Jalen looked stunned, but he didn't speak at all. 

        "Jalen, if you don't want to hear this, you can—" I began.

        "No, it's... it's fine." Jalen crossed his arms.

        It was silent for a while until Ben spoke again.

        "I was meaning to tell you, I swear," he explained. "He's dead now, and I wanted to tell you. I swear to God, I wanted to tell you."

       "Mr. Harrington... I—Well, he isn't... as good as he seems."

         He just loses his temper sometimes and... isn't as grateful for the things he already has. That's all." 

        It made sense now. Ben didn't like Alexander for that. I couldn't hate Ben if I tried to. Ben looked out for me, and I suspected him. What was wrong with me? Was I unnecessarily paranoid? Or did I have a reason? I did. I know I did. Everyone was out to get me in my eyes, and it's not such a bad thing to assume because if I trust the wrong person, it'd be game over. 

         The car was silent for a moment. Ben left me speechless. I stared off into space, just thinking—I wasn't even thinking, I was shocked and didn't know what to think about so my mind was just blank. I thought Ben would give me a clue to what happened that night, and now I feel disappointed. "No wonder you said those things about him... And you were casual..." I mumbled.