I swear, I have the weirdest freaking dreams.
I'm not even joking. Look at this face. Does this look like a face that would make up something like that? I know I have my quirks and habits, but lying isn't one of them. I mean it, Diary. I have some seriously whacked out dreams. So much so that it's decided to make me go all American. 'Whacked out'...what the hell was I even thinking writing that? Sheesh...
Anyway. To the matter on hand. My dreams. They're weird. Like, so weird. I can't even compare them to anything. The only thing I can say is if you think of the strangest one that you've ever had in your life, then triple it, then you've got my dream. Does that help you at all?
For instance, there was this one when I was in university. I used to live in these halls of residence, right? I had a dream that I was leaving the building to go somewhere and a lemur jumped out and mauled my arm. No word of a lie. That was my dream. And to make it worse, people were just walking past me as I spun around in sheer panic trying to fling this random creature off my arm.
Let's just get this straight. Britain has no wild lemurs. The closest we have are squirrels, which I guess were common around my halls, but no lemurs. I hadn't even seen a lemur in about a month at that point. The trip to the zoo was long gone from my mind. But obviously not, because it leaped off the pavement and straight onto my bare arm. Despite the fact that I know I was wearing a hoodie in the dream, it was on my skin. My freaking skin.
Secondly, I knew the people that were walking past. They didn't even flinch. If I knew someone that was getting eaten alive by a rabid lemur, I think I'd do something to help. I'm pretty sure I'd help even if I didn't know the person. But no. Not Dream People. Dream People stand and watch, or simply ignore, as an innocent person gets devoured by a random zoo animal. Oh, the humanity...
That's not the only animal I've seen attack people in my dream. It wasn't me this time. It was my brother. Wait for it...my brother was attacked by a ten foot owl.
Would you like me to repeat that? I can do if you'd like. I don't mind. I know that sentence needs a while to sink in to truly appreciate the complexity of the image. Just let me know when you're ready. You cool? Okay, I'll say it again for you.
My brother was attacked by a ten foot owl.
I don't have any explanations for you as to where this dream came from. I wish I had the words to tell you. I'd love to know. But I really don't have them. It just happened and I had to watch it in my head. I had to watch myself and my brother winding this gigantic owl up by taking a step closer to it. See it's monstrous eyebrows lift up as it flapped its wings and lifted threateningly until we stepped back and it sat back down on it's piddley little branch. I had to handle the silly idea in Dream Clara's head as I went to the local shop to find a bird catchers phone number and dial it from the bridge. And then I stayed completely calm as the owl swooped down on my brother and most likely killed him whilst my mother watched silently. All I said was 'You need to get here'. That's it. That's the only thing I had to say when my brother was being murdered by a clown sized bird.
What is it with people and having these weird dreams? I don't understand it. Half of the time you know that you're dreaming, but you still don't stop yourself from acting the way you're going to anyway. Like that bird, for instance. I knew it wasn't real. But I couldn't stop myself from calling a bird catching person to catch it before it destroyed my little brother. The brain really does work in mysterious ways...
But then there are those dreams that feel too real. D'you know the ones I mean? You get so into them that you actually think you're awake and doing those things. And then you wake up with sheer embarrassment and can't face that person in the morning because of everything that happened.
