You'll be loved (bxb)

6. Discovery

Aiden's p.o.v.

It has been days since I have left my apartmemt. I can be so glad that I got to call in sick at the bakery at a payphone closeby and Jonathan understood. Since that phonecall, I haven't left my apartment again, living from canned food and having waves of depression hit me whenever I tried to get my act together and leave the bed.

I am just too tired, too sad and I don't even know why exactly. Everything was going fine until that incident at the club. I'm also afraid to leave the apartment because now, I no longer have the protection of my scent blocking liquid to help me be invisible to werewolves. If I catch the eye of an alpha or even a beta then that's it for me. They will force me with them and do things to me and then I'll never get the chance to see daylight again. Either they kill me after they're done or, the more likely outcome, they will keep me to do all the chores in their pack. I can't live like that again, it hurts so much to think about my days in the pack house. The thought alone brings tears to my eyes.

My body is cold constantly because it is close to December and I don't have any blankets to keep me warm, only the old clothes I found and my work uniform. And I can't make that one dirty and smelly so I always have to wear all of the old jumpers and pants at once if I don't want to freeze at night.

But I know that sooner or later, I'm going to have to go out and find or buy myself some kind of blanket. Great. Here goes the money for my food next week. But I can't risk hypothermia. I couldn't afford any treatment or medicine, so it is either warmth or food. I've gone weeks without food before, I can do it again.

Jax hasn't had the strength to talk to me these last days, probably being as distressed as I am from being hurt by our mate. When I think about it, I'm not even sure if it was our mate. It could have just been the smell of a gorgeous alpha, who I mistook for being my mate, when it was just the powerful smell emitting from him, mixed with the smell of my human mate.

But the strange thing is that I always got so afraid by the smell of alphas but this one was different... It was somewhat comforting. For what felt like a millisecond I felt comfort in it until he struck me.

Well there is no way of telling if he was or wasn't my second mate because there is no way I will ever see them again. I smile sadly. Second mate,ha. You little fool. I say to myself.

I have to get a grip. This is my fate and so, I have to accept it. It is time to move forward and not make a digrace of myself before the moon goddess. She has given my parents a child, a child who they wanted the best for and because of that, I have to strive to be the best I can. To make them and the moon goddess proud. I have to get up and go to work, to find another job that will replace the one at the club and then, I will do my best to keep it. Things will get better, Jax, I promise.

~1 week later~

I am still not fully healed yet. My eye and nose still look horrible. I trace my slow healing back to the malnutrition and depression of my wolf. I have put plasters on the wounds on my arms from the broken glass but they seem to have gotten infected somehow because I hadn't noticed a small piece of glass still stuck inside one of them so they aren't healing either. I have managed to get it out though.

My shift at the bakery will end in half an hour and then, I will make my way out to buy myself a blanket. I can not sleep another night like I did, curled up in a ball, shaking for hours as the coldness broke into my room through little cracks on the sides of my window without mercy. I feel like I'm gonna be seriously ill in a few days if I can't find warmth. The dumpsters didn't have anything useful in them, so I have to sacrifice the money I had reserved for food  for a few days. But it will be fine. I'll be fine.