Where They All Go

~Chapter eleven: Carter~

Day thirteen.

"You ready?" Blake asks, picking her bag up off the floor

I sit on the side of the bed, trying not to puke. My head's swirling about me and I feel very dizzy but I don't say anything. Today is the day we're supposed to be leaving, I don't want to ruin that for everyone just because I have an upset stomach. I grunt as a wave of nausea hits me and I have to squeeze my eyes shut.

"Let's go then!" Greta yells and I hear the door hit the wall as she throws it open.

I rub a hand down my face and stand shakily. I can do this. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Swazi limp out of the cabin and into the sunny outdoors. If she can do this, so can you Jac.

"It's about one mile till we get to the main road, so get ready for a hike through the woods, try not to kill your legs," Blake says, shouldering her pack and glancing at me as I stumble out of the cabin.

Swazi turns slightly and stares at me, the corners of her mouth turned down. I meet her eyes uncertainly. Am I supposed to say something?

"You sure you're up to this?" she asks softly.

Surprised by the sudden question, I nod. The corners of her mouth sink lower and my heart drops. You should've said something Jac, you're messing things up.

"Come on! Let's go!" Greta yells again, shifting impatiently.

Blake nods and we begin our one-mile trek to freedom. Or so we hope.

I never know what to do while walking. Am I supposed to look at the trees? But they all look the same and it gets old quick. Talk? It's hard to talk and walk at the same time, especially if your sporting stomach-splitting painful injuries. Besides, I have no idea what to talk about. "Hey, so you know how I professed my love to you? Yeah, I thought I was dying, and I hope you didn't take it the wrong way, thanks!" Or "So, you and I both had shit childhoods, want to compare?"

God Jac, you need to go back to therapy asap. But first, you need to breathe. I stumble, my lungs threatening to cave in on me.

"How far have we gone?" Greta asks, noticing my distress.

Blake frowns and looks up, thinking. "Around... a quarter-mile? Why?"

Greta jerks her head in my direction, her face very obviously reading 'he's dying over here, so stop walking.' Blake's mouth made an O shape and she nods.

"Yeah, let's take a break."

Next to me, Swazi collapses to the forest floor, her eyes closing briefly as she sucks in shallow breaths.

I swallow hard. It's now or never Jac. Don't mess this up. I ease myself to the ground next to her, my body singing its thanks. I glance up and plead with my eyes for Blake and Greta to give us some space. Thank the stars they get the message and they wander out of earshot but not out of eyesight. Complete privacy is not a luxury we can afford. Before I can open my mouth, Swazi turns to me.

"What do you want, Jac." Her voice is sharp and bitter sounding.

Oh no.

I swallow again, my saliva dragging down the sides of my dry throat.

"Don't you think we should, you know, talk? About what happened?" My voice is low, just above a whisper because I'm scared if I go any higher I'll either cry or someone will come crashing in to ruin everything again.

Swazi gives me a blank look. "What is there to talk about?"

I suck in my cheeks and tense up. She did not just throw that line at me.