Cardigan

i knew you'd linger like a tatooed kiss

I re-read some of my older chapters and I noticed my writing was better in the beginning. I'm so sorry if you feel that way too. I'll try to do my best to go back to it.
Thanks for all the reads ❤️🥺

Anyways.... this chapter is beyond long but needed. Back to the spice next chapter.
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Emersyn Osborne
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Running.

The small escape from my own life. Every morning after waking up, doing some morning affirmations and stretching, I start a run. I try not to stray from the gravel path behind the manor. It's six miles round trip.

Today was different. Today I went to the spot I've been going to for almost a week now.

The sun was coming up and small rays of sunlight seeped through the canopy of the forest behind Draco's house. Morning was penetrating through the green end of summer leaves. It's always been beautiful back here, its untouched. Unknown to the haunting shit that happens in the house. In my life. 

With every step I took, my grey shoes got muddy. It had rained yesterday, which had left the raw ground caked in semi-wet mud. I never cared if my running shoes got dirty. I left them outside the manor because I never wanted to drag my muddy shoes through the house.

When I started my run through the grim forest, I was counting my breath. The only way to dissociate from my problems. As I got deeper into drowning out my own life with the form of running as self destruction I still couldn't shut my mind off.

The forest was covered with thick morning fog that reminded me of Hogwarts in the winter. I stopped. The birds were blessing my ears with their morning songs. The crisp sound of twigs snapped under me. Sweet sent of the forest flowers filled my senses and the wind was rusting in the distance.

Darkness surrounded me, even though light was coming through. A metaphor of my life right now. Inner demons were begging inside of me to keep going, get lost in the darkness.

My breathing slowed down by now but the extra thrill of my personal anxiety contributed to my heartbeat still being high. I looked directly up and tried to find the moon to ground myself. To remind me that I'm okay, I'm okay and alive.

So, I had to make a choice. Do I let the sunlight back to my life. And go back to Draco.

Or, do I continue into the dense, frightful, overwhelming darkness that is my depression.

Looking up at the sky, I begged for someone to show me the answer. I begged for someone to help me keep my soul alive. And.. it hit me. The tears spilled down my face like water from a dam.

The raw sound of my sobs were heard throughout the open forest, where no human could possibly try to help me. Then I screamed out my anger. I screamed loud. I was letting it all out. 

I often wondered what I did to deserve the life I was given. And I wonder why God- or whatever, didn't just kill me instead of putting me through all this pain.

A few moments passed of my open metaphorical wound in that occurred in the forest. It was time to pick myself up. I shifted my body towards the manor and step by step made my way into the sunlight. Back to him. Back to Draco.

The struggling to get through my daily routine got worse day after day. I took a shower, got dressed. Fixed the face I am trying to come to terms with again. I left my room, slowly making my way downstairs to make myself some breakfast before everyone else got up.