The Apocalypse Adversaries

Part 12: Goodbye

Logan turned to Casper. There were tears running down his face, but he had fire in his eyes.

"What the fuck did you do?"

"He was going to kill me, Logan! I couldn't fucking breathe!" Casper exclaimed, but Logan wasn't listening. He turned to Cece.

"Do we have any bandages, anything we could use to help him?" he pleaded, but all life had drained from Quill already, that was made obvious just by looking at his eyes.

When Logan looked down, those eyes were all he saw staring back at him. He hadn't realised how glassy they looked. They were quickly closed. Ignoring the blood, Quill looked as if he was just sleeping, as if he could be woken up.

Cece shook her head and walked slowly towards Logan, as if he was dangerous and any sudden movements could cause him to attack. She crouched down behind him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders in a restricting hug.

"Logan, he's gone. Say your goodbyes and we can go. You don't want to be around the body for too long. He's going to turn."

"No, no, no, no, no. He can't be gone. He can't turn. He wasn't bitten." Logan sobbed. He knew she was right, but it hurt to hear someone say it.

"That's not how it works, Logan, and we both know it. The brain is still intact, so he's going to turn." Cece tried to speak calmingly, but each word felt like a dagger to Logan.

He leaned down over the body, whispering into Quill's deaf ears. He wasn't sure exactly what he was saying. Grief was hitting him hard. The first stage of grief was usually denial, but Logan couldn't deny what happened. He saw the life drained from his brother, and there was nothing he could do about it.

Logan stood up and stepped away from the body. If Quill had to die, Logan knew he would have wanted to die as himself. Not return as an undead shadow of the past.

Cece stood at his side, wrapping an arm around him, trying to guide him away from the body. Cassie ran over. She there were tears in her eyes. She stood at Logan's other side and took his hand. They both tried to gently pull him away, but he stayed rooted to the spot, his eyes glued to Quill.

"He wouldn't want to come back. I can't let him turn." He turned to Casper. "Stab him in the head. Take out the brain." He spoke commandingly, almost threateningly.

"Logan..." Casper started. He sounded like he was approaching a feral animal.

"You had no problem stabbing him the first fucking time! Finish the job!" Logan snapped. He was already sick of being spoken to like a child, or like anything could cause him to fly off the rails. He hated that Casper used his name like it was a fucking tranquiliser. And most of all, he hated that he wasn't even mad about the whole thing. He understood why Casper did what he did. But that didn't make it hurt any less that his brother was gone forever.

Casper seemed shocked by the yelling. Tears filled his eyes as he leaned down and forced the knife through Quill's skull. Cece pulled Logan back so he didn't have to see it happen, but he heard it. It sounded like a watermelon splitting open.

Logan turned away from the body after hearing that noise, and made one last request.

"Leave the knife where it is. I never want to see it again."

Cece and Cassie held him the whole walk back to the cave, as if he could collapse at any moment. It was a fair assumption. The shock was beginning to set in. By the time they got back to the cave, he couldn't speak. He couldn't even cry. He just lay at the back of the place, staring at the stone ceiling with unseeing eyes. Violet walked up to him straight away, but Cece shook her head at her and she backed off. Cassie filled her in on the situation. She dealt with it better than the others. She left him alone for a few hours, and as dawn started to break, she gave him a bottle of water and an apple from a tree outside.

"Please make sure you drink the water and at least try to eat. You need to be hydrated, if nothing else."

Her voice was genuine and calming. She didn't try to relax him, she didn't treat him as if he were a child or a risk, she didn't ask any questions that he didn't want to think about the answers to. It was clear she was no stranger to grief.

The day remained much the same as the night, at least to Logan. He stared blankly at the ceiling, lost in shock, as the others continued to try and snap him out of it. Cece asked him questions about how he was feeling, Cassie just talked as she always did, cheerfully and happy, telling him random stories that went in one ear and out the other. Violet was the most helpful, just talking to him when necessary, bringing him food that he couldn't bring himself to eat, but helping to make sure he was still drinking. Casper avoided him like the plague until nightfall, spending most of the day sitting in a corner, playing with Audrey.

After everyone else had fallen asleep, Casper scooted over to Logan.

"I don't know if you can hear me, but I'm sorry. I think you're in shock? That's what Violet said, anyway. I hope you're alright. I'm really sorry about what happened. I wish it had gone any other way, but I was scared. I understand if you hate me now. I killed your fucking brother. If ever there was a reason to hate someone, that would be it." Casper's voice descended into sobs. "Logan, I'm sorry. But please, if you can find a way to forgive me, tell me. I don't want to lose you. You were the only thing that could make me feel safe in this hell that the world's become. Can I touch you?" No response. "Just a hug? Or you could talk to me? Please. Even if your words hurt me, just let me know you're okay. Or that you'll be okay. Or that we're going to be okay, you and me. Please. Just, anything."

He sobbed hard, tears pouring down his face. Logan looked lifeless there on the floor, staring eyes unfocused. It was as if he was lost in his own mind, trapped there. And it terrified Casper.

Until suddenly, Logan reached out his hand, placing it on Casper's. His eyes started to focus. He may not be completely back. That might take a while. He may never be the same, but he was there.

"I don't hate you. I see why you did what you did. I think I could've talked him down, but I'll never be sure. He would've made me leave. We'd never have met again. He hated who I am, but he loved me too. It was a hard decision to make, and I understand why you made your choice. I just miss him. The good parts of him. I wish he'd been more understanding. I wish he hadn't been so filled with hatred. I wish he wasn't gone. Maybe he could've been better. Still, I guess we'll never know."

"But it's my fault. I kept him from that chance to change," Casper protested. Logan shook his head.

"I understand why you did it. It's okay. We're okay," Logan's voice was the most calming thing in the world to Casper.

Logan held out his arms and Casper fell into them, resting his head on Logan's chest. He could hear his heartbeat. He was okay. He was alive.

"Logan?" Casper whispered into the darkness.

"Yeah?"

"Please don't leave."

"I won't"

"No, I mean, ever."

Logan kissed the top of Casper's head in response, before drifting into a dreamless sleep.