MINDCHANGER

help, i'm alive (2)

[PARK CITY, KANSAS]

It's a dark rainy night. Dennis is in his white ADT van, driving around. The lightening illuminates the sky, and he sees a figure walking. Tall, dark long curly hair. She is wearing a black long sleeved shirt, with a red maxi-skirt covering the entire length of her legs. It's brushing the ground, with stains of water and debris lacing the bottom. That umbrella surely isn't protecting her from the weather conditions she's walking in. He slowly pulls up, beside her, rolling down his window. "Ma'am, would you like a ride?"

She slightly jumps at the sound of his voice. "Um, sure, please!"

"I know that umbrella isn't doing you justice. Where are you going?"

"Two miles up the road, I haven't a clue where this rain came from!"

"It's okay," he says, unlocking the door. "Come in, the heat is on."

She hesitantly gets closer to the car door. She see's the logo, and feels a slight comfort knowing it's just a man in his work van. She enters.

[QUANTICO, VIRGINIA]

Holden gently opens his eyes. 'When the fuck did I get here?' he thinks. His vision is still blurry. He has yet to gain the strength to lift, or even turn his head. 

"Fuck!" Holden springs up instantly. He knows that angry voice. "You had me fucking worried, kid!"

"Tench, what are you doing here? What am I doing here?"

"You had another one of those episodes-"

"A panic attack." The nurse corrects Bill as she enters the room. "Sorry to interrupt, but now that you're conscious there's some questions we might need to ask."

"Give the man a minute," Bill says with frustration. "This is the second time he's just passed out because he's scared out of his damn shorts all the time!"

"No," Holden cuts him off. "It's okay. What do you need to ask?"

"First," she begins. "Let's cover standard protocol. Are you drinking or abusing any substances?"

"No."

"Are you safe at home? Any abuse that you may not be able to open up about currently? And we can have Detective Tench leave the room if you need privacy to answer these questions."

"No, he can stay. And I live alone. No abuse. Why do you ask this?"

"Just standard protocol." She says. "What is the last thing you remember before you fell out of consciousness?"

Holden begins to think. "Um, I was looking at evidence with Dr. Carr, we were just causally talking-"

"Talking about what?"

"Just work related things," Holden replies. "Nothing out of the ordinary."

"So," the nurse begins. "You find evidence and talk of these violent acts to be just part of a casual routine?"

"If you're implying that they are a potential factor into my anxiety, they are not. I enjoy what I do."

"But," she pauses. "How can that be? You discover lifeless bodies, sometimes violently mutilated, and you're okay with that?"

Holden scoffs. "You do the same. The difference is, they come to you for help, with their families too, you directly save lives. We go to them, to help the community and police. We find the perpetrators and lead the police to a confession, thus  having these people incarcerated. We see bodies as much as you all do. You all try to save them before it's too late, we investigate them after it is."

"That's fair to say," she pauses. "We both don't have easy jobs. I guess you have built the same immunity that we have to build as doctors and nurses. It's still troubling, to see these people's lives end. But if you say its not a factor to your anxiety, I'll just have to believe you. What other situations have caused you to feel this way?"

"Well," Holden responds. "My former boss covered up his termination as a retirement."

"Wait," Bill interrupts. "Shepard told you that?"

"Yes, he did. He said it was my fault and my actions that were the reason he was being forced to resign, so he hid it by claiming early retirement."

Bill lights a cigarette. "I can't believe this shit. I heard the tapes in your investigation, you took full responsibility-"

"I only could claim responsibility." Holden takes a deep breath. He has to choose these words carefully. "I don't understand why they decided to terminate Shepard over my actions."

"I'll leave you two to discuss this." The nurse walks out of the room.

Bill takes an exaggerated hit of his cigarette. "You need to stop fucking worrying."

"Bill," Holden looks over at him. "You really think if I could stop, don't you think I would have? Besides, it's more than worrying at this point."

"Well what the fuck is it then, huh?" he yells back. "Cause now I have to sit and worry about you when I have my own damn problems to think about!"

"Speaking of, how are you doing?"

Bill stands up. He grabs his cigarettes, heading towards the door. 

"Bill, talk to me. I'm here for you!"

Bill turns back to Holden, with his hand on the doorknob. "Well thanks Holden, but how the fuck am I supposed to talk to somebody that I work so close with."

"Just open up, just start!" Holden yells. "We already spend most hours of the day together, and I can't go to Crown Point with you if you're just gonna keep yelling at me. I want to listen."

"And why is that, Holden? Why do you want to listen to my problems so badly?"

"Well," Holden looks down. "This is the second time you've had to save me from the hospital. Yes, I know, it's inconvenient. But you've seen me go through my problems, and though you may not understand mine, I'm sure I can try to understand yours-"

"Have you ever had a wife just take your son and leave your home that you've been in for years?"

"Well, no, but my girlfriend just broke up with me recently."

"Who, Debbie? Why? She couldn't listen to your shit anymore, huh."

"Apparently I'm just not as sweet as I used to be when I first met her."

Bill turns around, and sits down next to Holden. "So, what, you think I'm too much of a hardass on my wife now?"

"No, Bill," he lets out a slight laugh. "Put down your defense, I'm not here to judge you. However, her disappearing mimics a break up. I'm just saying that we both are living without somebody we love. We're currently adjusting to this feeling of," he pauses. What word can he use that won't be easily offensive to Bill's defenses?

"Loneliness." Bill exhales. "I guess that's how it feels without her."

"Well, you're not alone anymore." Holden looks up for him, reaching out his hand. "I'm right here."

Bill laughs. "Yeah, the kid that can't handle his nerves is here for me. Thank God!" The sarcasm is contagious to Holden, and he begins to laugh too. "It's not much, but I guess it's something."

"And you have to admit," Holden's arrogance comes through. "We work well together, we have fun together, we can do this. We can shine a light-"

"Oh, no no no." Bill gets serious. "Not another cliche."

"Okay." Holden reaches his arm back to himself and crosses them. "No cliches, but I'm sure laughing at me in this hospital bed feels a lot better than laying in bed making love to a shot-glass."

[Piano Man by Billy Joel plays]