The Bargain

Heart over instinct

LUCIEN

As soon as my eyes fall on Naira the blood in my veins turn into ice. It's like a gut punch, right in my abdomen, knocking out all air from my lungs.

I can feel her accusing, chilly gaze clawing into me all the way from here.

She must've seen everything.

I try to keep it together in front of the sisters but I'm not entirely able to, I've already lost my footing too much.

While humans are a dumb species these two are fairly observant, I'll give them that. Especially Milo's little wife-to-be, she may be quiet and reserved but those hazel eyes are like a hawk's.

I'm sure they've noticed how affected I am, how I'm unable to look away from her. Her. The woman I love. But I can't find it in me to care enough to hide it, not right now, I can't even shoot either of them a glance. They just don't seem that important anymore.

I can deal with Myka's scent issue later.

Right now I need to talk to Naira.

"Why don't you go find Max and ask him to show you two around," I mumble distantly, my tunnel vision set on Naira's approaching figure.

I need to make it right.

With that I leave Dinah and Myka to entertain themselves as cross the yard to I meet up with the woman who has my heart.

I can see the hurt and the rage in her golden eyes as I come closer, her gaze shooting daggers at me. It makes my heart ache in a way I haven't felt before.

I don't know if I can fix this. I don't know how I'd feel if the roles were reversed.

"One day!" she snaps. "I leave you for one day and you're already making out with your human. I thought you said -"

"I know what I said and I still feel that way, Naira. Believe me I'm working on it." I interrupt her, desperate to explain. She crosses her arms over her chest, yellow eyes watching me skeptically. "It's just.. her scent changed, and my Lycan just.."

"You can't even touch me anymore! Only a day later and you're sticking your tongue down her throat," she shouts at me, pointing at Myka and then back at me. "How long are you gonna blame your Lycan, Lucien? Because it sure didn't look like it was your Lycan who made out with her just now."

I slide a hand over my face, feeling like a defeated piece of shit. Fuck.

"Naira, you know how it is when the instincts kick in," I try, my tone pleading. "You'll understand when you find your mate."

"Not when, Lucien, if." Her eyes tear up, those beautiful amber eyes drowning in sadness, almost spilling over. "If I find my mate."

Then she walks past me, shouldering me hard to show me hurt she is. I look after her, feeling both desperate and empty. It's like I've been stabbed in the heart over and over again, like I'm bleeding everything out, unable to stop it.

She's right. Not every Lycan finds their mate. Those who do are even considered 'blessed.'

I impatiently start pacing back and forth over the yard, clenching and unclenching my fists, a storm raging inside me. The humans around start whispering to each other before they retreat back into their houses, allowing me space. Good.

If anyone ever calls me blessed I'm going to punch them in the face.

I didn't ask for this. I was never fucking interested in finding a mate. I was very much content with my life until I crossed paths with that dumb girl. Why couldn't nature decide to bless someone else and leave me in peace?

Naira is the first person I've ever wanted. The only one who broke through my hard shell of not needing anyone.

And now I can't even have her.

I despise nature, I despise my instincts. And I've now started to despise my Lycan side.
I hate how weak it makes me feel, how out of control I am, how I can't seem to fight it no matter how much I try.

The worst fucking part is that if that dumb girl wanted to seduce me she probably could. I'd probably give in like a little bitch, like a literal slave to my instincts, a slave to my Lycan.

I suppose I really should be grateful that she doesn't want to go near me.

I sigh, feeling hopeless, but I can't leave it like this. I can't give up on her, not yet. There's gotta be a loophole.

With that thought I go after her, my heart aching for Naira. My insticts might've changed course but my heart remembers.

I walk up the porch to her little house and open the door that's never locked. It's dead quiet inside. I look through the empty kitchen and living room before I walk towards her bedroom.

The door is closed and refuses to budge when I try to open it. She's locked herself in.

Softly, I knock on the door. "Naira?"

No answer.

I rest my forehead against the door, exhaling deeply, not wanting to choke up. "Naira, I love you."

I can hear a faint intake of breath on the other side. She knows that I don't throw those words around easily, she knows how hard it is for me to say them.

But still, no answer.

"Naira. I'm not going to mark her. I'll figure something out, I promise," I say, unable to hide the thick lump in my throat, the crack in my voice from the emotional weight I'm carrying inside.

I hear another intake of breath before her broken voice stabs me in the heart.

"Don't promise things you can't keep, Lucien."