Wattpad's Worst

Chapter 1

I woke up and opened my curtains to see the sun smiling at me, literally smiling at me. I jumped out of my window and ran across the rainbow to attempt to get closer to my dear friend, the sun. "Ohhhh good morning miss dumphry, lovely morning aint it?" the sun spoke to me in a high pitched voice.

"Sure is billy, perfect for grabbing some slugs to add on my frog cereal this morning." i exclaimed in a deep mainly voice. I skipped towards the pond where I found my first victim, grabbing the slimy feminime creature, I was delighted to see it squirming around in my hand, how yum.

"Let me go you imbecile, i am of royalty." the ugly creature exclaimed in a british accent. out of knowhere my mum appeared on a pheonix with rainbow feathures and bug eyes. "Oh my dear daisy, your boyfriend is waiting at the toadstool for you, he said he was tacing u to skool," my mother exclaimed in an overly cheery voice.

"I'm coming mother dearie, just grabbing some tasty little mortals to add to my breaky." I added turning my voice creepy at the end of my sentense. My mother just nodded at me and threough my magic carpet at me telling me to get meself home asap. I jumped onto geofry and ordered him to take me back home.

When I arrived home I quickly ate my delicous and slimy breakfast which had slugs on top. My boyfriend Vonswedelvixen walked through the doors of the kitchen and burped so loud that it made my cats hair fall out. "looks like pixie has lost her hair again" i stated in annoyance. Vonswedelvixen walked up to me and lifeted me up placing me on the bench.

"Good morning my beauty" he exclaimed in his russian accent. He started kissing me with such force that i fell of the counter and landed in the cat's litter tray. i realised that we were late for skool and imediately stood up, still covered in poop, and transported me and vonswedelvixen to our highschool.

As I walked into my classroom after saying a farewell to my dearest boyfriend i came to a clashing halt, Catie the Creep stood in front of me with the most disgusting face eva, she had big yellow teeth that stood out a mile away, snot dripping down her face and thats not even to mention her hair, like seriously tie that knot ball up or something. 

I pushed past her and walked towards the back of the classroom, where all us cool kids hang. Jerimiah walked up to me and squeezed my buttocks, so you know, well, I had to slap him in the face.. Everyone applauded. Brianna skipped over to me, with that dazzling smile of hers and filled me in on the latest gossip. 

When the bell finally rang, I walked out into the cafeteria where my boyfriend was shagging another girl. I walked up to him and pulled out my butter knife. i grabbed the skank off his lap and stabbed her in her fake boobs, you could hear the air deflaiting from them as she wailed out in pain and shrunk down into a rat. I then turnt around to my lying, cheating, coneaving, skank kissing, "boyfriend" and kararte kicked him in the balls. the karate chopped his neck as i am a black belt in karate and jiu jitsu. "Take that you funky monkey" i screamed in his ear. the whole cafateria got up and statred doing a victory dance including the lawnmoer, sprinkler and disco eyes.

I walked out of skool with a happy smile on my face whilst he was holding his crutch in pain. Kelvin walked up to me and gave me $100 and told me i was awesome. I now have $700 in my car and can buy a unicorn. as i walked out of school and to the nearest pet shop i saw a homeless guy on the footpath so i gave him my shoes and walked into the pet shop buying a beautiful blue and pink unicorn that had crossed eyes. 

Today was the best day eva.