Drafts Of Her Heartbeat

Pious And Pure

Entering the Chauhan Residence, I saw Arohi already up and secure in the confinement of four-walls of her room. Of course, the girls were also there probably gossiping about the night. So I didn't had any opportunity to go up and talk with her. Giving up, I decided to reside to my room also.
I must commend the Chauhan for having such a big house, which could accommodate twelve peoples easily under a roof. Vidyut sir and Kashish Ma'am had built enough with their dedication, hard-work and intelligence, to live a comfortable life even after their retirement, which was something that wasn't going to happen soon.
Getting up and changing out of my clothes, I finally got comfortable on the bed, ready to ponder over the events of night. The way she could attract public attention, not in a bad way, but with her kindess and good manners both enthralled and scare me. I was in awe of my wife's social skills yet afraid that these skills maybe the reason behind someone's attraction towards her. Someone like Jamie. He was all confident, had sharp-brains and great communication skills. If I had not been a but spooked about his intention tiwards Arohi, I may had offered him a job in my company. I need people like him who are skilled in their work. It was no doubt that the boy had a bright future, a future where he can give the best lifestyle to his family. 'One that can lure Arohi into a sense of security and love?' I thought. Trying to distract myself I turned my thoughts towards the diary - one of Arohi's writings.
Rummaging through my bag, I found it neatly hid under my clothes. Taking it out I once again settled down on the bed ready to read away her ideas, trying to get to know her some more.
Waiting here in the dinning,
Sitting and looking at the door.
My ears are on alert mode,
Eyes fixed on the road.
Trying to locate your vehicle,
Pinning to hear the sound of tyres.
Hoping hopelessly for a sign,
That may inform me of your arrival.
Suddenly there were sounds of your steps,
Keys jingling in the lock, door opening to reveal yourself.
Perked up, I instantly started to fetch you water,
Finding any way to take away your tiredness.
You entered, took the glass, drank away in a gulp,
Then ignoring me you climbed up the stairs.
I served the food, hot and fresh,
You ate it away in silence.
I kept waiting for an approval from you,
To know how the food tastes.
The plate was cleared,
You washed your hands.
I kept looking while you stood and went away,
Without sparing me a single glance.
Wrapping the work, as I entered the bedroom,
I saw you had retired for the night.
I won't lie, it prick, it hurts, your ignorance wounds me,
Then I pacify myself thinking you are too tired to hold me.
There will be a sunrise the next day,
Maybe you will hold me someday
~*********~~~~~.*********~
Is this how the ignorance feels? Is it how she used to end up every night? I remember her behavior tonight. I remember hiw I behaved in past. I can't blame her for looking towards a brighter start. It was me who started this game. I ignored her purposefully, while she ignored me because she was busy talking to someone who cared for her. Today I was feeling each and every needle with which I pricked her, wounded her soul.
Standing near the window-sill,
I saw you leaving with a different girl.
Every night it's the same story,
Me, you and your attention to a stranger.
My heart bleeds at the very sight,
Of you touching some other female's body.
I feel it everytime when you make fun of our marriage,
Mock me with your sarcastic glances.
But I won't give up,
Not now, not ever.
Someday you will realise your mistake,
You will turn around,
Only to find me still standing,
Awaiting your arrival.
~*********~~~~~.*********~
I feel dirty,
I feel filthy,
I feel impure,
Everytime you parade around,
With your whore.
I may have been tied to you,
In a bonded knot,
But I will never give you,
My body, my soul,
Not untill you change and mend your ways.
I want the purity to be restored,
I want to feel pious and piety,
I want you to respect our relation,
Making it our beautiful heaven,
As it should have been.
~*********~~~~~.*********~
I feel dirty with the way I treated her. I knew she used to see me leaving but i never cared for her emotions. Inorder to gain my so-called freedom, I destroyed my beautiful present and future.
I guess this is what makes us human. We feel and regret only after making a blunder. People may keep advising us, warning us of our foolishness, but we never learn, until we get burnt in the fire created by us. And certain times, there is no road back, only pieces of ruined future. Then we keep regretting but we never find an undo button to delete our past mistakes. Today no matter how much I try, I can never turn back time and restart my married life, but I can rectify my blunders now, in present. I can do so my apologizing everyday, by gaining her forgiveness, and by treating her like a queen. And inorder to do everything mentioned, I need to win back her trust. Time for another letter and another parcel !