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The days came and went and, as they did, I seemed to spend more time with the youngest son of Ragnar. When I was a child, my father had allowed me few friends. Among them, was my half brother, Osian. He was the son of my father and a young Irish serving girl. Though he looked nothing like me, the little red haired boy seemed to follow me everywhere. It was clear from a young age that he wished to follow in my footsteps, to be like me. I'd always wanted better for him.
Though Ivar was not persistent in following me as Osian was, he reminded me of him far too much. Like a brother.
I began to see myself in Ivar, and felt a yearning to help him. I didn't wish for him to follow this path of solitude that I had found myself upon.
I saw Ubbe less and less frequently. Though, he remained as kind as he'd always been. I felt that he had become distracted, most probably by Ivar and his appetite for power and conflict.
Hvitserk, meanwhile, seemed to occupy all of my thoughts - or at least far more of them than I was happy with. Every time I looked in his direction, I seemed to become instantly distracted from my initial train of thought. And, every time he glanced my way, he made a mission of distracting me even more - sending winks and teasing smirks that made my cheeks redden involuntarily.
Part of me hated him for it. The other part found myself sneaking away to meet him behind the church. It seemed, in short, that I could not get enough of the young prince. And I loathed the fact that I'd succumbed to such weakness.
"You should come back to Kattegat with us." Ivar suggested as we sat by the fire, my cup of ale warm compared to the icy temperatures of English evenings. "To fight with us."
"I have no business in Kattegat, Ivar." I sighed, leaning back in my chair with a small yawn, taking in every micro interaction that seemed to continue through the room as we conversed.
"So, you're returning to Wales?" He narrowed his eyes, trying to figure out my plan. The truth was, I didn't have a plan anymore. My plan had already been blown out the water by him and his brother.
"I am Queen." I responded, unsure if I was explaining that to him or to myself. "One day, Ivar, you will understand that such a title comes with great responsibility. I cannot simply do as I please."
"So it would please you to come to Kattegat with us?" He grinned, watching my reaction closely.
My mouth opened to respond but, before any words could even form in my mind, Ubbe and Hvitserk had made their way over to us. Ivar watched intently as my thoughts seemed to snuff out, like a candle in the wind, as soon as my eyes met Hvitserk's.
Lord I hated myself.
I was behaving like a foolish girl and I knew it. These feelings, this dreamlike state that I seemed to enter in his presence. It was was infuriating! But, for some inexplicable reason, I simply couldn't switch off my emotions. It had never seemed a problem before. But this was different, Hvitserk was different.
