Ships in the Night | BxB

31. Friends

31. Friends

I must be the world's worst decision maker.

I had made a mess of my life in less than a year than most people do in their entire lives.

Maybe it was true what I always thought, that trouble always comes looking for me.

Thinking about me kissing Hoseok in retrospect, I agreed that it wasn't such a good idea.

Yes, he had been the one to initiate the kiss, but I had thoughtlessly gone along.

Given the accusations that Jimin had made before, me kissing his boyfriend wasn't a good way to prove my innocence.

Despite the fact that I only kissed him back to prove to him that I wasn't interested in going after Jimin's heart.

Or so I told myself.

Yeah, that's totally why he had to be the one to stop the kiss, my not so helpful subconscious provided.

Maybe...

Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing to admit to myself that I was, indeed, attracted to Hoseok.

He was good looking, tall, danced like a god, and was so kind to me.

Kissing him only made it worse.

Maybe I was trying to nurse my heart from the bruise Jimin had inflicted. But it was stupid to do that with his boyfriend.

Maybe I hadn't expected to like it that much.

Maybe...

Maybe, at this point, I shouldn't be allowed to make any decisions in my life. Because all of them sucked.

I made faster strokes on the paper before me and chanted in my brain that I wasn't attracted to him. And even if I was, I wasn't gonna do anything about it.

I wasn't going to let stupid hormones rule over me. It was a war, and I was going to win.

I was going to forget his confession about liking me.

Nobody seems to like you enough to choose you, my subconscious provided.

Sad, but true.

But that was a good thing. It meant that I would be able to stay in my lane and not go doing anything stupid anymore.

Why was everything suddenly so complicated?

It made my head hurt.

But it was okay. In two days' time I would be home. Time apart during the break would definitely provide me with enough time to pull myself together.

My phone lit up beside me. I picked it to find a text message from the subject of my thoughts.

Seok: hey, I passed by the dance room tonight. will come back to the room late.

I stared at the message, several things registering.

First of all, he hadn't been going to practice since his injury. Even after recovering, he stayed away.

Him going back to practice was a good thing. It meant that he was finally moving on and fighting whatever was holding him back.

Secondly, I wasn't expecting him to text to tell me about it.

Our relationship had been shifting for weeks, and the kiss made things worse.

It was too awkward between us.

This, texting me like that, that was something he would have done before everything went wrong.

Lastly, of late, he usually came to our room after I slept, and he never texted about his being late.